The Problem of Public Parking

I have to admit I think I waste more gas looking for parking than anything else. I don’t know exactly how long it took me last night to get a space. But I’m certain it was longer than necessary. I was doing lap after lap looking for 14 linear feet of space and couldn’t fucking find any. Really? An ’87 Honda Civic and there’s no room in Hoboken for it? Shenaniganz!
I blame this mainly on the inability of the general populace to Parallel Park. I know it’s part of the driving test, but the standards should be raised. You should be able to get a license without the ability to Parallel Park but I think your license should come with a caveat of some sort. You can’t do any city driving – unless you’re going to shell out the money for a garage.
And if you don’t want to dish the dough for the garage, you have to leave your car in neutral without your parking brake so I can nudge your car forward or backward to fit my little piece of shit in the space.
I’m not claiming to be a visionary with this idea. I heard about it from Hollywood when he was telling me about visiting his cousin in Queens in the 60s/70s. They used to do this in NYC. I thought this was the greatest thing I’d ever heard. How many times have you circled the block looking to drop your car in a space only to notice that some douche bag doesn’t understand the concept of pulling to the front of a space? That in my eyes is the most egregious error of street parking.
I remember when I was living back on Monroe, there was a guy with a nice vintage Mercedes coupe. He used to park in front of the building next to mine between two garage doors. It was the perfect spot for two small cars. Being that he had one, you think he’d be considerate enough to park so as someone else could fit ahead or behind him. No. that wasn’t in his plans. This cock monger would park directly between the two so only he could fit.
I understand the concept of wanting to preserve one’s bumper-al integrity, but if you’re going to drop coin on a nice classic car how about you spring for the $200/month for a garage/private space. And why is a dent your concern when someone would rather steal it than ding it – or what about getting side swiped by a drunk driver? I’m brimming with questions.
It’s funny how this and other societal injustices behoove me, yet I believe in an eye for an eye – I’ll crush your fucking skull for checking out my boy’s girl. Okay, maybe that’s not an eye for an eye…but I still maintain that we’ve reached rock bottom as a species when people can’t even be considerate enough to allow others to decommission their vehicles for a nocturne in a space centrally located to their domicile…