And now a word from our President....

We’ve entered an odd era in the world. Economies are falling. Businesses are failing. Politicians are under [justified] scrutiny I’ve not seen in my lifetime. Warren Buffett has claimed this is the economic equivalent of Pearl Harbor. With Barry in charge I feel justified in saying we won’t go bombing a country full of brown people – I am however worried mi gentes in the Eastern bloc. In these times of crises, I present my personal professional sports state of the union. You know….to keep things in perspective…
I’m sick and tired of hearing about how great NASCAR races are. You can tell me about how sitting in the infield is just one giant party. There may be bee-hot-ches running around somewhere between topless to buck naked. At the base of all that, THEY’RE STILL FUCKING REDNECKS! I don’t like these people in my everyday life. Why would I like them stumbling around drunk watching a Honda driven car doing 2-bills making left turns for hours in the hot baking sun, burning rice so loud that I can’t hear myself getting drunk?
Hockey is another sporting event I could do without. I’ve been to a few games. It moves nice and fast. The guys slamming into the boards at mach-10 is pretty cool. Sitting behind the penalty box after a fight is splend-tacular. But Gary Bettman is a dick bag. They fucked up their product with too much expansion (see: franchises below the Manson-Nixon line). So they had to price out the Joe SixPacks (beer not abs) in order to stay afloat. That money dried up and their league damn near folded. I think moving a team from Winnipeg to Phoenix is the sports equivalent of what the Pilgrims did to the Natives…Sidebar – Fuck Wayne Gretzky’s winy little punk ass. Mario Lemieux is the greatest hockey player of all time. Sidebar to the sidebar – did you know that the Edmonton Oilers still exist? I didn’t know Edmonton still existed…
The NFL is in a unique position right now. They don’t have the steroid problem that the MLB has, though I’d say popular opinion is that an inordinate amount of players are juicing. They don’t have the financial problems that are looming over the NBA. They do however have a problem over public perception as it relates to player behavior, on and off field. Off the field, Pacman Jones marred the NBA All-Star Game in Vegas with his shenaniganz. Terrell Owens has left a trail of depleted franchises in his wake. Yet people were highly up in arms over the fact that Santonio Holmes wasn’t penalized after the game-winning TD catch in SB XLIII. The commissioner came out guns blazing like bank robbery in Heat. Fines the week after hits that weren’t penalized on Sunday. Troy Polamalu blasted the league and I think they threatened to make him cut his hair. They made the Roy Williams Rule after TO got hurt, but they haven’t made a Bernard Pollard Rule for diving at the QBs feet. Much as I hate Tom ‘the Goat’ Brady, it was a bullshit play and I’d be pissed if the same thing happened to B-Roe. But the league is chugging along, probably the league that stands to lose the least in these dire financial times.
I’ve put my thoughts on baseball in this space before. I’ll not rehash my extreme displeasure with our ‘national past time’ ‘here’ ‘again’. (I made it 550 words before it crept up on me.) I will share a new thought though this time around. The crack of the bat. The smell of the fresh cut grass. The peanut shells at my feet. Sitting in the outfield bleachers with the sun setting over the far side baseline blinding me. Day night double headers. For all the bullshit I hate about the game, I love going to see it live. There’s nothing like it. It’s my number two favorite to watch in person. Me and the Horsemen have got to do a tour of stadiums.
All of which brings me to my favorite sport, basketball. I love basketball on all levels. It’s so beautiful, the motion, the speed, the jaw dropping highlights. It’s so simple that you need only a rubber ball and a cylinder to play in the street. Nothing else. I’ve played in $20 sneakers, $150 limousines for the feet and work boots. At the professional level, the general consensus is that it’s not as complete a game as the college level. This is so true. The L is definitely full of guys who aren’t defensive stalwarts. They may lack in one aspect of the game or another. But they all score A++ on at least one end of the court. And the best players, Bron, Kobe, Wade, are proficient on both ends of the court. They spread the wealth and make the others around them better, except maybe Kobe – but his defense is legitimately the best in the league. Plus they’re all fast as shit. Watch these guys’ first steps. It’s no wonder people watching call for travelling all the time, the eye can’t necessarily keep up with the motion. The league is however going to feel the financial strain. Commissioner David Stern, best in pro sports, came out over All Star weekend and said the salary cap was going to shrink. I love that Zach Randolph trade more now than I did then. Rumor has it that Luxury boxes are going unused in certain arenas on certain nights. Think about it, season ticket monies were due before the financial crises was in full swing. It was a sunk coast for the 08-09 season, so why splurge on gas, parking, souvenirs and concessions? What does this mean for next year? Are we going to get to the point where teams start to fold? That’s some heavy shit right there. I’ve heard Pittsburgh popping up in discussions to take over a franchise, in addition to Kansas City. I’ll not speak for anything beyond the home of SIX Lombardi trophies, but I can’t see it happening. The city isn’t in good financial standing but there is the gaming money set to come rolling in. there will be a new arena for the local hockey franchise. The resurgence of Pitt basketball has helped spark a new love for the game in the city. But the city was home to the Pittsburgh Piranhas in 94. Granted, they played at the AJ Palumbo Center (home to the Duquesne University Dukes, BANG BANG!) which is a terrible place to watch anything. They did however go to the CBA Finals in the lone season of existence. That didn’t help because no one went to their games and the team folded. And they were good. So I won’t count the Burgh among possibilities to be the future home of the Memphis Grizzlies. In the end, I think my favorite league is going to have a lot to deal with in the coming seasons (CBA expiration looming). And I pray they don’t start taking teams overseas. But they might have to in order to keep from losing anyone of real substance to foreign franchises with deep pockets.
I know I’m a little long winded when it comes to Dr. Naismith’s creation, but I am passionate about it. Pro sports are fucked, top to bottom. NASCAR isn’t a real sport, but it’s watched by a lot of mother fuckers. Hockey is going to have problems not pricing out their main fan base. Baseball has a huge public perception problem. Basketball is going to have cash flow issues. Football is likely the most recession proof because damn near everyone loves it. But the fans will tire of idiotic antics and self made problems solved by midweek fines. I wish I could say that teams weren’t going to move or fold, but we’re headed that way. We’re going to end up watching Rollerball style death games on the BBC while the head of Dan Rather reads the news to us as a hologram in our living rooms.