FUBAR

Anyone who knows me knows a couple things about me. I love basketball, the Steelers, Miller Lite, WWE, tequila. I hate whitey, country music, republicanism and baseball. Well, hate might be too strong a word for how I feel because I do enjoy going to a game with my peeps [Instant Classic is back!]. But overall, I hate baseball because it’s so fucking long. It’s untimed. Pitchers should never [E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-ver] swing a bat. The AL is far superior. And Cal Ripken’s streak is not as impressive as Brett Favre’s.
I know you’ve heard this rant before, I’m sorry to rehash. But Alex Rodriquez really got me going. First the whole steroid thing and he throws his cousin under the bus. Then he had the balls to be seen around Fla with Cousin Balky after a game. Now he’s got the hip injury and pending surgery. We learn from skipper Joe [Don’t get too excited my last name is different] Girardi that A-Roid had a hip problem last season. I guess he couldn’t get this procedure done over the winter break because he was too busy receiving lip purpling treatments.
The latest thing I want to talk about with him though are his comments to the NY Post. Really, Alex? Really? You’d rather have Jose Reyes in your lineup? I suppose the four rings that DJ won BEFORE you got there are meaningless? A-Job corrected himself to say that he meant it as a compliment to Reyes for being a good young ballplayer. But did he really think it was a good idea to tout the crosstowner over Mr. November? [Not Duane Zackimore.]
I think I’m going to start a campaign to get Blow-Job to give back some of his ill gotten monies. I’ll start a spacebook group called FUBAR. I’ll write letters to the Yankees new office in Downtown Hell. I’ll show up for BP sessions when I don’t have a ticket and hang out at the player’s entrance just to harass him. I’ll go buy a game worn Jeter jersey and run up to Alex and give him a hug, hoping that something good will rub off on him – that or it’ll linger too long and fire one off unintentionally. And maybe I’ll even get some of that Jeter mojo and girls will like me. [Smell that? You call it success. I call it reaping the benefits of another man’s hard work.]
I know you’re thinking to yourself, Mr. Yasko, Mr. Yasko, how will you be able to do all this charitable work and still hold down a steady job? Not to fear, I am unemployable. And seeing how as I’ll be donating my time for this, I can still collect unemployment to pay the bills. Therefore I’ll have plenty of time to dedicate to my newest noble cause – FUCK YOUR BUTT, ALEX RODRIGUEZ!