Potty Time

So they have this Flo-Max commercial and they ask who doesn’t want to spend less time in the bathroom. And they automatically assume that everyone agrees. I’m of the dissenting opinion here. I love a good BM. I have a ball. I have all the latest periodicals, a Su Doku book. Hell, sometimes I’ll even take in the ol’ laptoperoony for additional fun. I don’t see what’s not to love. I lose weight and feel better about myself. I also like to play guess which meal I just passed. And I think it might be the only time I get an ab workout.
Plus it gives me time to think about things. I reflect upon my day. I may ponder the dream I had last night. Sometimes I think about what’s facing me in the upcoming day. Did I make all the requisite calls to set up my subs for the day? Or if it’s after work, I’ll call a guy I don’t like and talk to him then. It seems like just the thing that you should do to your enemies.
I tell you what I don’t like though. I hate when I reeeeeally gotta go number 2 and I forget to go number 1. Then I get up off my throne and my bladder yells at me. Then I’m left to decide if I wanna sit back down to pee and risk starting another deuce or just stand there with my pants around my ankles and go like a little kid.
I also like it because I almost always shower afterwards. I feel I have to. I feel so dirty if I make boom booms then don’t wipe and scrub. I knew a guy who would go then jump in the shower straight out, without wiping. There is no amount of body wash that could make me feel Zestfully clean. I need to ‘squeeze the Charmin’ to begin to feel clean. All in all, I have tons of fun in the bathroom. Especially when I decide to pee in the shower, sometimes I’ll pirouette and pee just like a lawn sprayer.