My Subconscious

I had an interesting dream last night. See, right now I’m in the Burgh for a long weekend – though I suppose everything has been a long weekend since November. My sister had a playoff game Friday night, then I rearranged my schedule for Saturday and Sunday so I could stay and get a few days away. With all that’s been going on, I figured I could use some time away. And it’s been fairly therapeutic, though I’ve seen so many things around here that have reminded me of her. But I digress, back to the dream.
Last night before I went to bed, I spoke briefly to Robbs about hanging out in the near future. When I awoke this morning, I remembered having a dream about my high school reunion. It was funny cuz I think we were at someone’s house. I was chilling mainly in the living room. It was JUST like high school. the cool kids were over there and I was chilling with the band kids. They were cool, but they were talking about the most ridiculous shit. I was feeling horrible about myself, per my usual, then they started handing out these awards. I won for best smile, best eyes and some other petty shit.
All of a sudden, all these girls were coming up and taking a photo with me. They were talking about how they couldn’t believe that I wouldn’t sell out my old friends now that I was famous. And that’s when I realized I was Dylan Edgar, semi-famous actor, in this scenario. And I still talked to the band kids whose idea of a wild Friday night was drinking regular Pepsi, not caffeine free diet Pepsi.
I woke up this morning feeling good that the ‘cool kids’ wanted to kiss my ass. Now I think about it, I feel like a dick. On one hand I was true to who I was. I was talking to the not so cool kids. On the other hand I wasn’t happy doing it. Maybe that just means, I have different interests and I’m an okay human being. Or maybe I am a complete dick. Then I remembered that I hated High School. I never gave a fuck about going to a reunion and I don’t now. I still feel weird when I see kids I went to high school with. I still feel like I have something to prove to them. I feel the need to show them that I’m better than they are. I live in here, I do this, I do that. God I love insecurities. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to finish my noose.