I'm back from the greater-DC area. I actually never made it into the Capital City for sightseeing. We got pretty good and drunk on Monday night, Twe was late for work and I wasn't moving until closer to noon. Monday night I saw my first game at the Verizon Center...and I couldn't have been more disappointed. Not only could I not believe who was on the Wiz roster, but the building itself sucked ass. MDot and I had a great time in the nosebleeds though.
Tuesday I was assed out most of the morning plus there was snow and they Marylunders don't really know how to react in snow. So I opted to sit back and watch the Steelers Media Day festivities and order lunch, THEN I went to the local mall. We ended up going for seafood that night. It was a new place they never went before and none of us were too impressed. Then we ended up at some local BMore bars. I started the argument about Ripken's streak vs. Favre's streak. (For the record, I think Favre's is more impressive because he is legendary for his play whereas Ripken is legendary mainly for the streak. I don't think he's in the legends convo for his body of work - furthermore I think the streak took away from his abilities and he could have been that legend had he taken a day or two off.) MDot and his boy were on Cal's side, so I had no chance at winning. Then I woke up Wednesday and trekked through the shit to get back to the Burgh. I made it. Safe and sound. We shall see what comes of that trip. In the meantime, we're all getting ready here around town for Sunday...
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tell Ev'rybody That Y'Know
I can’t let Barnes be the onliest one talking about his dreams in cyberspace. Though mine are of a more personal and serious nature. And do not involve old Nickelodeon game shows, the Manning family or Oreos. Two nights ago, I had a dream about Heartbreak and I. (Seeing how as I called her Amor on here while we were together, she shall heretofore be known as Heartbreak.) It was pretty fucking trippy.
For whatever reason I was at what could most positively be described as a burlesque house. And she was there. I don’t mean to imply that she’s working there, but she was there. And I wanted to talk to her, but the other girls were keeping me from her. Then I finally broke away and she and I got to speak. We were on a revolving floor that made a similar path to the Whip at Kennywood. I kept getting pinched by the moving parts while sitting on it. So I got off the ride. Then we ended up in a grocery store [I think] and continuing out conversation, none of which I could hear in my unconscious.
Last night I had another one. We were talking [for realsies] before I went to bed and it didn’t finish on a particularly good note, but it wasn’t like we sent each other to hell. So it was on my mind when I lay out as ‘guy on the couch’. This time I was at her house, I guess. It was someone’s house and again I was trying to talk to her. This time I was kept from her by her brother, the one that would be protective of her, and one of his friends. Thing was, this friend was a huge Irishman. So I had to deal with this giant mick who wanted to kick my ass instead of letting me speak to Heartbreak.
As I needed to cool out, I went to this room where there was a stage. It was a big auditorium that looked similar to the one at Stevens. I went there the first time after her brother told me I couldn’t see her and not to come back. That time I went I was the only person there and I did some relaxation exercises. The second time I went after going back to the house and was confronted with the big red head. We exchanged some words and he threatened to kill me. I told him to try and I realized I was in an Irish bar surrounded by a bunch of his friends, so I decided to retire to my happy place to relax. This time there a rehearsal was letting out and I had to contend with them. It kinda irked me but I went to the backstage are and tried to relax again.
And that’s where it ended. I had no real resolution to what was going on. We never got to speak. I didn’t get to relax that second time at the theater, and I don’t know what the hell that means. But in summation, girls at a house of ill-repute, her family and the Irish were against me speaking to Heartbreak. If you have any idea what any of this means, please let me know. I have no clue…
For whatever reason I was at what could most positively be described as a burlesque house. And she was there. I don’t mean to imply that she’s working there, but she was there. And I wanted to talk to her, but the other girls were keeping me from her. Then I finally broke away and she and I got to speak. We were on a revolving floor that made a similar path to the Whip at Kennywood. I kept getting pinched by the moving parts while sitting on it. So I got off the ride. Then we ended up in a grocery store [I think] and continuing out conversation, none of which I could hear in my unconscious.
Last night I had another one. We were talking [for realsies] before I went to bed and it didn’t finish on a particularly good note, but it wasn’t like we sent each other to hell. So it was on my mind when I lay out as ‘guy on the couch’. This time I was at her house, I guess. It was someone’s house and again I was trying to talk to her. This time I was kept from her by her brother, the one that would be protective of her, and one of his friends. Thing was, this friend was a huge Irishman. So I had to deal with this giant mick who wanted to kick my ass instead of letting me speak to Heartbreak.
As I needed to cool out, I went to this room where there was a stage. It was a big auditorium that looked similar to the one at Stevens. I went there the first time after her brother told me I couldn’t see her and not to come back. That time I went I was the only person there and I did some relaxation exercises. The second time I went after going back to the house and was confronted with the big red head. We exchanged some words and he threatened to kill me. I told him to try and I realized I was in an Irish bar surrounded by a bunch of his friends, so I decided to retire to my happy place to relax. This time there a rehearsal was letting out and I had to contend with them. It kinda irked me but I went to the backstage are and tried to relax again.
And that’s where it ended. I had no real resolution to what was going on. We never got to speak. I didn’t get to relax that second time at the theater, and I don’t know what the hell that means. But in summation, girls at a house of ill-repute, her family and the Irish were against me speaking to Heartbreak. If you have any idea what any of this means, please let me know. I have no clue…
Saturday, January 24, 2009
The real Keyser Soze...
I promised recaps on Steeler games, but I seemed to have slipped last week. I was tied up with a couple other things and I wrote a few blogs at that time but I didn’t get to write anything about the Steelers. There was the whole black man as leader of the free world thing that went down.
I’ll say in hindsight that it was crazy to watch that game. I really doubted the Steelers chances until Troy made that play. I called a big defensive play in the second half, I just thought it would happen in the third quarter, like the Woodley fumble last game, or earlier in the fourth. Like they say, defense wins championships.
Joe Unibrow was the difference in the game. I’ve been saying since the Wild Card Round that he’s a rookie quarterback on the road in the playoffs. Everyone has been saying that at this point he’s not a rookie. But where had he played? Miami, where the defense did everything and it was never a game. And Tennessee where the fans will turn on the Titans faster than, well I don’t have an analogy, but it’s damned quick. Tennessee had bad mojo built up from stomping the terrible towel and here’s to Chris Johnson having a slower recovery than Tom Brady, douch bags…
Ben’s TD throw to Santonio was something magical. Avoiding the collapsing pocket then sliding to his left away from a sure sack. Then he chucks a duck, an absolutely horrid pass to the Weed Master, who then scurries for six. There was the drop by Limas Sweed, whose ego was so bruised by the drop that he lay on the field and feigned an injury to the tune of the team losing a time out and costing them a FG at the end of the half. I got shit for it cuz I own a Sweed jersey. (In my defense I bought it out of a truck in October in Hoboken. I think it’s an old Neil O’Donnell jersey with a new name plate.) And I think there was a second left when Ben clocked the ball. We shoulda had a shot at unleashing Jeff Reed’s blow out.
It was an interesting game for the defense. Farrior seemed to be everywhere. Harrison seemed to have been negated, but that just paved the way for my boy Lamarr Woodley. (I asked Pops for the thumbs up on when I can shell out the dough for a Woodley. That was my boy at Michigan and I was hype when the Steelers drafted him.) The interceptions kept Baltimore out of the game and Troy’s play was the game changer.
Which brings me to the debate. Best Safety in the League. Ed Reed vs. Troy Polamalu. I’ll give Ed props for taking the ball to the house most of the time when he gets to touch the ball. Dude is sick like that. The Ravens have a great scheme set up for when they get a turnover, which is basically just set up punt blocking and reverse field on them. And it works more often than not. But Reed can be negated by simply throwing away from him, granted there’s the prospect of a fumble and Ed taking it to the house. But the Steelers have LBs who do that. Troy just happened to be everywhere the other night. The stuff on the QB sneak when he left his feet and still made the stop, was a thing of beauty. There was the open field tackling by Troy, which Reed can do. But Polamalu just seems to have a nose for the ball and he flies around the field sniffing it out.
So to this Steeler fan, there is no debate. Ed Reed is an above average safety and deserving of every accolade he’s ever gotten. But Troy Polamalu is a great safety. He can line up in the box and stuff the run. He can close in the flat and stop a sure third down conversion, forcing a punt. He can line up in the box, then drop into coverage. He’ll read the QB and pick it off…and like that, he was gone…
I’ll say in hindsight that it was crazy to watch that game. I really doubted the Steelers chances until Troy made that play. I called a big defensive play in the second half, I just thought it would happen in the third quarter, like the Woodley fumble last game, or earlier in the fourth. Like they say, defense wins championships.
Joe Unibrow was the difference in the game. I’ve been saying since the Wild Card Round that he’s a rookie quarterback on the road in the playoffs. Everyone has been saying that at this point he’s not a rookie. But where had he played? Miami, where the defense did everything and it was never a game. And Tennessee where the fans will turn on the Titans faster than, well I don’t have an analogy, but it’s damned quick. Tennessee had bad mojo built up from stomping the terrible towel and here’s to Chris Johnson having a slower recovery than Tom Brady, douch bags…
Ben’s TD throw to Santonio was something magical. Avoiding the collapsing pocket then sliding to his left away from a sure sack. Then he chucks a duck, an absolutely horrid pass to the Weed Master, who then scurries for six. There was the drop by Limas Sweed, whose ego was so bruised by the drop that he lay on the field and feigned an injury to the tune of the team losing a time out and costing them a FG at the end of the half. I got shit for it cuz I own a Sweed jersey. (In my defense I bought it out of a truck in October in Hoboken. I think it’s an old Neil O’Donnell jersey with a new name plate.) And I think there was a second left when Ben clocked the ball. We shoulda had a shot at unleashing Jeff Reed’s blow out.
It was an interesting game for the defense. Farrior seemed to be everywhere. Harrison seemed to have been negated, but that just paved the way for my boy Lamarr Woodley. (I asked Pops for the thumbs up on when I can shell out the dough for a Woodley. That was my boy at Michigan and I was hype when the Steelers drafted him.) The interceptions kept Baltimore out of the game and Troy’s play was the game changer.
Which brings me to the debate. Best Safety in the League. Ed Reed vs. Troy Polamalu. I’ll give Ed props for taking the ball to the house most of the time when he gets to touch the ball. Dude is sick like that. The Ravens have a great scheme set up for when they get a turnover, which is basically just set up punt blocking and reverse field on them. And it works more often than not. But Reed can be negated by simply throwing away from him, granted there’s the prospect of a fumble and Ed taking it to the house. But the Steelers have LBs who do that. Troy just happened to be everywhere the other night. The stuff on the QB sneak when he left his feet and still made the stop, was a thing of beauty. There was the open field tackling by Troy, which Reed can do. But Polamalu just seems to have a nose for the ball and he flies around the field sniffing it out.
So to this Steeler fan, there is no debate. Ed Reed is an above average safety and deserving of every accolade he’s ever gotten. But Troy Polamalu is a great safety. He can line up in the box and stuff the run. He can close in the flat and stop a sure third down conversion, forcing a punt. He can line up in the box, then drop into coverage. He’ll read the QB and pick it off…and like that
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
As Promised....
There may be those of you out there who aren’t aware, but Amor and I split up last week. Unfortunately it’s been coming for the last while, as we’ve had some issues heading back to Thanksgiving and slightly before. We had tried to pass it all off and make it work but we just couldn’t get ish to click. So last week we spoke and decided to take a break. We’re not done for realsies, but a lot needs to happen before we get back together.
With all that’s gone on around me the past few months, it’s given me time to evaluate. My job situation, my relationship, my passions. All of them have run through my head and I’ve come to realize that some things aren’t as important to me as I previously thought. Others, moreso that I did think. All in all I must admit it’s been an odd period for me. I never really took stock of what I had around me like this time. And I still don’t know what to make of all of it.
Some of it seems easy – fuck the dumb shit, don’t let that bottle bring you down. Some of it seems harder – don’t take another job, instead jump feet first into the acting/filmmaking ventures. It’s all so clouded that I can’t decipher what’s going on. Society dictates that you take a 9-5 [or 6-6, 7 days a week in my case] and be miserable. You meet your college sweetheart and you get engaged, then you get married and buy a house with a white picket fence and join PTAs and shit.
But that doesn’t appeal to me. I want a nice place on the upper West side, a block from the park. I wanna be a mother fucking rockstar, but more importantly I wanna live my life on my terms. I’ve always said to anyone who would listen that I wouldn’t let the dream cloud me from the vision. The dream is that big ballin’ shit, $20M a flick. The vision is acting in plays and being second guy from the left on tv and in films, then making my indie flicks when I can get enough roll to do them.
It feels sometimes that I don’t have the right people on board to make that shit happen. For the first time in my life, I feel ready to take that first step. But I’ve got no one to take it with me. I don’t have an E, a Turtle or a Drama [though in all fairness, I’m likely more Drama than Vince].
I’ve always been surrounding by [at worst, moderately] successful people. They have their own bills to pay and lives to live. And they don’t always have time to join up and make my shit happen. And that’s fine. That’s why we’re friends. We’re all strong in our own right. So they’ve all got their own ish to work on and I’ve got these ideas for shows and movies and I want to bring them in cuz I know they’d rock out at it. But at the same time, they need to handle their business.
I’m rambling in circles now because I don’t know what I’m saying. I guess I feel like Neo standing in the hallway looking at the agents. Except, I can’t see in code yet. I’m 25 and I can still be disappointed in everyone I know, including myself. I’ve learned that no one can live up to the high standards which I’ve set. I strive for them everyday and I’ve yet to reach them. But now I’m looking at them face to face and am grab them bitches with two hands. All I need now is a plan, anyone have any ideas???
With all that’s gone on around me the past few months, it’s given me time to evaluate. My job situation, my relationship, my passions. All of them have run through my head and I’ve come to realize that some things aren’t as important to me as I previously thought. Others, moreso that I did think. All in all I must admit it’s been an odd period for me. I never really took stock of what I had around me like this time. And I still don’t know what to make of all of it.
Some of it seems easy – fuck the dumb shit, don’t let that bottle bring you down. Some of it seems harder – don’t take another job, instead jump feet first into the acting/filmmaking ventures. It’s all so clouded that I can’t decipher what’s going on. Society dictates that you take a 9-5 [or 6-6, 7 days a week in my case] and be miserable. You meet your college sweetheart and you get engaged, then you get married and buy a house with a white picket fence and join PTAs and shit.
But that doesn’t appeal to me. I want a nice place on the upper West side, a block from the park. I wanna be a mother fucking rockstar, but more importantly I wanna live my life on my terms. I’ve always said to anyone who would listen that I wouldn’t let the dream cloud me from the vision. The dream is that big ballin’ shit, $20M a flick. The vision is acting in plays and being second guy from the left on tv and in films, then making my indie flicks when I can get enough roll to do them.
It feels sometimes that I don’t have the right people on board to make that shit happen. For the first time in my life, I feel ready to take that first step. But I’ve got no one to take it with me. I don’t have an E, a Turtle or a Drama [though in all fairness, I’m likely more Drama than Vince].
I’ve always been surrounding by [at worst, moderately] successful people. They have their own bills to pay and lives to live. And they don’t always have time to join up and make my shit happen. And that’s fine. That’s why we’re friends. We’re all strong in our own right. So they’ve all got their own ish to work on and I’ve got these ideas for shows and movies and I want to bring them in cuz I know they’d rock out at it. But at the same time, they need to handle their business.
I’m rambling in circles now because I don’t know what I’m saying. I guess I feel like Neo standing in the hallway looking at the agents. Except, I can’t see in code yet. I’m 25 and I can still be disappointed in everyone I know, including myself. I’ve learned that no one can live up to the high standards which I’ve set. I strive for them everyday and I’ve yet to reach them. But now I’m looking at them face to face and am grab them bitches with two hands. All I need now is a plan, anyone have any ideas???
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Bye Bye Bush!!!!
Having this amount of free time on my hands, I have decided to provide a public service. For those of you who have ‘work’ today, I have decided to recount the activities of this morning’s inauguration. Here is the blow by blow…so far we’ve missed Magic, Spielberg, the Governator and details of the First Luncheon.
11:08 – Loser’s row enters. Dan Quail, Al Gore and Walter Mondale are all walking in. Glad to see Tipper’s still around. Bitch. Fucking Parental Advisory stickers…take charge of your own children’s upbringing. Don’t cost me the chance to buy Ready to Die as an 11 year old…
11:10 – John Kerry’s in the house. I don’t even have a joke. I’m glad that his campaign catapulted Seth Meyers to head writer of SNL.
11:12 – Cicely Tyson doing her Jane Pittman thing. Praising the Lord and thanking God for a beautiful day.
11:14 – Poppy Bush and Babs are in the house. Poppy tells the Secret Service they’re looking good.
11:15 – Gramma Bush is being helped to her seat. I know it’s a busy day but do we have to watch a woman in her late 80s getting to her seat on such a cold day? At some point, I don’t ever want to be in the spotlight, but I guess as the former leader of the free world and his/her family you have no choice.
11:16 – BUBBA! Billy’s here. He just smiled at one of the secret service agents. I think it was one of the guys he used to get stoned with. Hillary looks kinda pissed. IDK if it’s cuz she isn’t being inaugurated or that she’s still with Bill.
11:17 – Poppy and Billy just crossed paths at the bottom of the steps and seemed to be cordial. I bet Bill is recommending something for Poppy’s limp.
11:18 – Carter just walked through the Bush/Clinton gathering. He stopped to kiss Babs but ignored Billy and Poppy. PS – Poppy is gonna be 85. And he still wants to jump out of a plane.
11:19 – Carter’s official entrance to the area. Decent pop for Jimmy – who my dad just informed me that Jimmy’s favorite bands are the Allman Bros. and Willie Nelson. Then they went inside and showed the Bush Bimbos walking down the steps.
11:20 – Poppy officially enters. He salutes the armed men and looks regal. He and Babs are wearing purple scarves to celebrate bipartisanship. Bubba’s wearing Herpicin to cover his winter outbreak.
11:22 – Bubba comes out to the biggest pop of the night. They just showed the entire crowd going nuts. He’s glad handing as everyone in the camera’s eye is clapping.
11:23 – They just showed the moving trucks out front. The movers can’t do shit until the transference of power. I’m finding out now that if God forbid something happened to Barry, then Dubya would have to hold the government until they can sort shit out. [Ed’s. note: This is why Joe Biden will be sworn in first. So they can set up a decent succession before Barry is sworn in.]
11:24 - The Obama daughters are rolling in. Oh good, the Jonas Brothers did a concert for the girls over the weekend. They’re the kitchiest. [Who the hell are the Jonas Brothers?] The old white man on CBS just said the girls were cuties. Can we get that man on an Amber Alert list? Now Katie Couric is talking about how nice it is to have young girls in the White House. And Barry hopes the media allows the girls the chance to grow up somewhat naturally. At least not completely intrude upon their privacy.
11:27 – The girls are officially brought out to the crowd. Decent pop for them. Now they’re talking about Michelle’s mother living with them. Katie smells a sit com.
11:28 – They’re bringing out the Hogs N Heffers [Dubya’s daughters] followed up by Mrs. Bush. Oh, good, the hoes beasts have a seat in front of Bubba. Do you think that Billy is into the Bush daughters? I mean, black men love thick white women…
11:30 – Katie ain sayin shit as they’re pausing to build tension. The crowd is screaming ‘O-Bama!’
11:31 – Michelle Obama and Joe Biden are inside making their way out.
11:32 – Dubya is walking down the hall, looking lost. He’s lived there for the last 8 years. Why doesn’t he know these corridors? Katie is talking about his decision to compare himself to Abraham Lincoln. I think this is a good time to promote my idea to change the monetary system. Abe should be on the hundred dollar bill, because Diddy is all about the Benjamin’s. Baby. And Dubya should be on the penny because NO ONE wants a penny.
11:33 – Michelle Obama comes out, greeting everyone. You can see Bill thinking, ‘finally I’m not the only black person out here.’
11:35 – Dick Cheney is in a wheel chair. I wonder if it was built by Halliburton. Apparently he strained his back moving boxes to MacLean, VA. I thought the devil was impervious to pain?
11:36 – The official introduction of Dubya and Dick. I have no words to describe what a smarmy looking bastard Dubya is. Actually, those three will do. Dubya shakes hands and gets to Bubba. You’d think with rhyming names, they’d be good friends. But Bubba looks pissed that Dubya gets a front row seat to this.
11:39 – The first showing of Barry in the corridor. He looks like a leader. Quiet calm and confidence. Kinda like MJ in mid-90s. They’re talking about him using his middle name for the ceremony as a branch to the Muslim world. I’m sure the white people will REALLY love that…His speech is expected to run 18-20 minutes with applause. Dynamite drop in, Katie.
11:41 – The crowd is chanting ‘O-Bama!’ again.
11:42 – They’re showing crowd shots. Holy fucking shit. That’s a ton of people. The CBS talent has a copy of the speech and they’re giving their thoughts on it. Without wanting to give away much to us about what he’s going to say. So they’re telling me what they think about something I have no idea of. Good call, Les.
11:43 – I half expect Barry to come out to the Bulls intro in the mid-90s. But I don’t want to see Joe Biden in Scottie Pippen’s old uniform. Though I suppose he’d rock the John Stockton shorts. There’s an image I don’t want. I guess in this scenario Hillary would be Dennis Rodman. I bet you didn’t want to picture her in shorts and a tank top, did you?
11:44 – Barry’s official introdutction. The announcer just said H. Not Hussein. WTF? Barry’s shaking hands. I don’t know if they don’t have the crowd mic’d properly. But the pop wasn’t as big as Bubba. No I spoke too soon. On cue, they start with ‘O-Bama!’ I think everyone was just in awe of his emergence…
11:45 – Barry’s complaining about the weather? And now Katie is telling us the Barry’s is sensitive to the cold. Really? I guess he is a tropical people. He might have lived in Chicago, but he was born and raised in Hawaii.
11:46 – Dianne Feinstein is opening it up for us. The girls look cold. I wonder if they’re sitting there like most kids. Did Barry and Michelle allow them one toy for the ceremony? Does Malia Ann have her PSP while Sasha has her favorite Barbie? I’m brimming with questions.
11:48 – She finishes her speech with BARACK OBAMA. And the crowd goes nuts. Even, Mick Foley’s cheap pop has more credibility than that speech.
11:49 – Rev Rick Warren is performing the invocation of this ceremony. Apparently he’s controversial because he’s conservative and opposes abortion and same sex marriage. Apparently they let Dubya make one last bad decision on the way out.
11:50 – And now Rev Rick brings up MLK. And they show a wide shot of Barry and Biden. Biden just looks like a dick. Am I wrong? But I guess what’s why he’s there. When shit hits the fan you need the DC insider to help…
11:53 – Rev Rick is still going on. And now he’s started the Lord’s prayer. So to the religious right, I say suck my nuts. Barry isn’t going away from religion. He’s just not going to point the army and shoot like the President Archangel Bush.
11:53 – Aretha to sing ‘My Country ‘Tis of Thee’. What is on her head? Did she eat the fat Oprah? Again, I’m brimming with questions…
11:54 – Aretha just said, ‘My Cunt. Ree tis of thee’. Pops is over here hacking a lung up. Did she just say cunt in the inauguration?
11:55 – Pops and I wonder if Aaron Neville is going to sing the inaugural address.
11:56 – So Aretha is now the first black woman of the country.
11:57 – Joe Biden is the first catholic to be sworn in as the Vice President. Fucking Puritans. In case you’re wondering, I hate Boston. I love going in there with a Yankees hat on.
11:58 - Biden sounds like such a dick even in taking oath. His dark hairded daughter is cute. I’d give her an ATM swipe.
11:59 – Biden just turned to the frat row and gave it a hearty Fonze. And they all looked back at him and went ‘AAAAAAYYYYYYYY!’ I now love Scranton, PA. I want to go to a jiggle joint there and ask if they know Joe…
12:00 – Yoyo Ma is rippin it on the cello. Where’s Stanley Clark? I hereby decree that this ceremony should have all black performers. We should ditch Dianne and have Robin Roberts hosting this shit.
12:03 – The music is so boring they’re showing live shots in LA, Chicago and Philly. Chi-Town had a bunch of lil kids sittin in church lookin bored out of their minds. Philly is at another church and the camera was on these two young women who couldn’t stop laughing.
12:05 – Katie Couric just pointed out that Biden is president because Bush’s term expired promptly at noon. So we need to get this shit on the road…
12:05 – Barack is being sworn in. He screwed up the first line. And the second. [Ed’s. note: Katie told us in the post-game coverage that the Chief Justice juxtaposed the words at the beginning, throwing Barry off. Andersen Cooper later compared it to getting married. Maybe to a guy.]
12:06 – Ladies and gentlemen, the president of these United States – BARACK HUSSEIN OBABMA. And the howitzer’s are going off….God Damn I think I heard one outside.
12:07 – SPEECH!!!!
12:08 – The crowd drops in with ‘O-Bama!’ Barry starts his speech. He thanks Dubya and there was some jaded applause. Does anyone give a fuck about Dubya? I mean other than my Aunt Florence, who was alive for Roosevelt’s first term in office. Teddy, not Franklin.
12:10 – Barry outlines all the bad shit going on right now. I’m glad he knows what he’s up againt. But now I wanna move to Columbia and become a drug lord…[Ah, si. Okay, okay! Big man, you wanna make some big bucks?]
12:13 – They just showed some Tuskegee Airmen in the audience.
12:14 – Poppy is rocking a Costanza hat. Good look for him with the purple scarf. Do they sell men’s clothes where you got your outfit for the ceremony?
12:22 – In the midst of his portion about the vets, living and dead, my cable blacked out.
12:23 – My DirecTv came back. It was almost as traumatizing as the end of the Sopranos finale.
12:24 – Pops just spotted a Steeler jacket in the crowd shot. SB XLIII, mother fuckers!
12:26 – ‘Thank you. God Bless you. And God bless the United States of America.’ Good speech.
12:28 – Elizabeth Alexander, the inaugural poet, is reading a piece for us. I think they removed Joe Biden. I mean it makes sense. You wouldn’t want the both of them together at an open air evetn. I’m just wondering if they pulled him out as soon as he was sworn in. [……that’s what she said]
12:31 – People are walking out as Emily Dickinson finishes up, hopefully soonly.
12:32 – They should have had Common as the inaugural poet. Dianne introduces Reverend Joseph Lowery for the benediction. I was half expecting a Vince McMahon swerve.
‘Oh my God, is that Rev Wright’s music?!?! It is! Reverend Wright is in DC! And he’s got a steel chair! He’s fighting he way over to Barry. My God, he just smashed Hillary Clinton over the head! Bill appears to be dancing.’
12:37 – Rev Lowery just said ‘Red Man’. Thank God they were on a close up of Barry. He kinda cringed at that moment. Great unintentional comedy…
12:40 – Biden is still there. I’m impressed. I would have thought they got him out of their immediately, especially with a black man in charge. I mean, DC is south of the Mason Dixon Line.
Well, they’re going to some recap coverage so that will do it for us. Can I go get lunch now? Yes, I can!
11:08 – Loser’s row enters. Dan Quail, Al Gore and Walter Mondale are all walking in. Glad to see Tipper’s still around. Bitch. Fucking Parental Advisory stickers…take charge of your own children’s upbringing. Don’t cost me the chance to buy Ready to Die as an 11 year old…
11:10 – John Kerry’s in the house. I don’t even have a joke. I’m glad that his campaign catapulted Seth Meyers to head writer of SNL.
11:12 – Cicely Tyson doing her Jane Pittman thing. Praising the Lord and thanking God for a beautiful day.
11:14 – Poppy Bush and Babs are in the house. Poppy tells the Secret Service they’re looking good.
11:15 – Gramma Bush is being helped to her seat. I know it’s a busy day but do we have to watch a woman in her late 80s getting to her seat on such a cold day? At some point, I don’t ever want to be in the spotlight, but I guess as the former leader of the free world and his/her family you have no choice.
11:16 – BUBBA! Billy’s here. He just smiled at one of the secret service agents. I think it was one of the guys he used to get stoned with. Hillary looks kinda pissed. IDK if it’s cuz she isn’t being inaugurated or that she’s still with Bill.
11:17 – Poppy and Billy just crossed paths at the bottom of the steps and seemed to be cordial. I bet Bill is recommending something for Poppy’s limp.
11:18 – Carter just walked through the Bush/Clinton gathering. He stopped to kiss Babs but ignored Billy and Poppy. PS – Poppy is gonna be 85. And he still wants to jump out of a plane.
11:19 – Carter’s official entrance to the area. Decent pop for Jimmy – who my dad just informed me that Jimmy’s favorite bands are the Allman Bros. and Willie Nelson. Then they went inside and showed the Bush Bimbos walking down the steps.
11:20 – Poppy officially enters. He salutes the armed men and looks regal. He and Babs are wearing purple scarves to celebrate bipartisanship. Bubba’s wearing Herpicin to cover his winter outbreak.
11:22 – Bubba comes out to the biggest pop of the night. They just showed the entire crowd going nuts. He’s glad handing as everyone in the camera’s eye is clapping.
11:23 – They just showed the moving trucks out front. The movers can’t do shit until the transference of power. I’m finding out now that if God forbid something happened to Barry, then Dubya would have to hold the government until they can sort shit out. [Ed’s. note: This is why Joe Biden will be sworn in first. So they can set up a decent succession before Barry is sworn in.]
11:24 - The Obama daughters are rolling in. Oh good, the Jonas Brothers did a concert for the girls over the weekend. They’re the kitchiest. [Who the hell are the Jonas Brothers?] The old white man on CBS just said the girls were cuties. Can we get that man on an Amber Alert list? Now Katie Couric is talking about how nice it is to have young girls in the White House. And Barry hopes the media allows the girls the chance to grow up somewhat naturally. At least not completely intrude upon their privacy.
11:27 – The girls are officially brought out to the crowd. Decent pop for them. Now they’re talking about Michelle’s mother living with them. Katie smells a sit com.
11:28 – They’re bringing out the Hogs N Heffers [Dubya’s daughters] followed up by Mrs. Bush. Oh, good, the hoes beasts have a seat in front of Bubba. Do you think that Billy is into the Bush daughters? I mean, black men love thick white women…
11:30 – Katie ain sayin shit as they’re pausing to build tension. The crowd is screaming ‘O-Bama!’
11:31 – Michelle Obama and Joe Biden are inside making their way out.
11:32 – Dubya is walking down the hall, looking lost. He’s lived there for the last 8 years. Why doesn’t he know these corridors? Katie is talking about his decision to compare himself to Abraham Lincoln. I think this is a good time to promote my idea to change the monetary system. Abe should be on the hundred dollar bill, because Diddy is all about the Benjamin’s. Baby. And Dubya should be on the penny because NO ONE wants a penny.
11:33 – Michelle Obama comes out, greeting everyone. You can see Bill thinking, ‘finally I’m not the only black person out here.’
11:35 – Dick Cheney is in a wheel chair. I wonder if it was built by Halliburton. Apparently he strained his back moving boxes to MacLean, VA. I thought the devil was impervious to pain?
11:36 – The official introduction of Dubya and Dick. I have no words to describe what a smarmy looking bastard Dubya is. Actually, those three will do. Dubya shakes hands and gets to Bubba. You’d think with rhyming names, they’d be good friends. But Bubba looks pissed that Dubya gets a front row seat to this.
11:39 – The first showing of Barry in the corridor. He looks like a leader. Quiet calm and confidence. Kinda like MJ in mid-90s. They’re talking about him using his middle name for the ceremony as a branch to the Muslim world. I’m sure the white people will REALLY love that…His speech is expected to run 18-20 minutes with applause. Dynamite drop in, Katie.
11:41 – The crowd is chanting ‘O-Bama!’ again.
11:42 – They’re showing crowd shots. Holy fucking shit. That’s a ton of people. The CBS talent has a copy of the speech and they’re giving their thoughts on it. Without wanting to give away much to us about what he’s going to say. So they’re telling me what they think about something I have no idea of. Good call, Les.
11:43 – I half expect Barry to come out to the Bulls intro in the mid-90s. But I don’t want to see Joe Biden in Scottie Pippen’s old uniform. Though I suppose he’d rock the John Stockton shorts. There’s an image I don’t want. I guess in this scenario Hillary would be Dennis Rodman. I bet you didn’t want to picture her in shorts and a tank top, did you?
11:44 – Barry’s official introdutction. The announcer just said H. Not Hussein. WTF? Barry’s shaking hands. I don’t know if they don’t have the crowd mic’d properly. But the pop wasn’t as big as Bubba. No I spoke too soon. On cue, they start with ‘O-Bama!’ I think everyone was just in awe of his emergence…
11:45 – Barry’s complaining about the weather? And now Katie is telling us the Barry’s is sensitive to the cold. Really? I guess he is a tropical people. He might have lived in Chicago, but he was born and raised in Hawaii.
11:46 – Dianne Feinstein is opening it up for us. The girls look cold. I wonder if they’re sitting there like most kids. Did Barry and Michelle allow them one toy for the ceremony? Does Malia Ann have her PSP while Sasha has her favorite Barbie? I’m brimming with questions.
11:48 – She finishes her speech with BARACK OBAMA. And the crowd goes nuts. Even, Mick Foley’s cheap pop has more credibility than that speech.
11:49 – Rev Rick Warren is performing the invocation of this ceremony. Apparently he’s controversial because he’s conservative and opposes abortion and same sex marriage. Apparently they let Dubya make one last bad decision on the way out.
11:50 – And now Rev Rick brings up MLK. And they show a wide shot of Barry and Biden. Biden just looks like a dick. Am I wrong? But I guess what’s why he’s there. When shit hits the fan you need the DC insider to help…
11:53 – Rev Rick is still going on. And now he’s started the Lord’s prayer. So to the religious right, I say suck my nuts. Barry isn’t going away from religion. He’s just not going to point the army and shoot like the President Archangel Bush.
11:53 – Aretha to sing ‘My Country ‘Tis of Thee’. What is on her head? Did she eat the fat Oprah? Again, I’m brimming with questions…
11:54 – Aretha just said, ‘My Cunt. Ree tis of thee’. Pops is over here hacking a lung up. Did she just say cunt in the inauguration?
11:55 – Pops and I wonder if Aaron Neville is going to sing the inaugural address.
11:56 – So Aretha is now the first black woman of the country.
11:57 – Joe Biden is the first catholic to be sworn in as the Vice President. Fucking Puritans. In case you’re wondering, I hate Boston. I love going in there with a Yankees hat on.
11:58 - Biden sounds like such a dick even in taking oath. His dark hairded daughter is cute. I’d give her an ATM swipe.
11:59 – Biden just turned to the frat row and gave it a hearty Fonze. And they all looked back at him and went ‘AAAAAAYYYYYYYY!’ I now love Scranton, PA. I want to go to a jiggle joint there and ask if they know Joe…
12:00 – Yoyo Ma is rippin it on the cello. Where’s Stanley Clark? I hereby decree that this ceremony should have all black performers. We should ditch Dianne and have Robin Roberts hosting this shit.
12:03 – The music is so boring they’re showing live shots in LA, Chicago and Philly. Chi-Town had a bunch of lil kids sittin in church lookin bored out of their minds. Philly is at another church and the camera was on these two young women who couldn’t stop laughing.
12:05 – Katie Couric just pointed out that Biden is president because Bush’s term expired promptly at noon. So we need to get this shit on the road…
12:05 – Barack is being sworn in. He screwed up the first line. And the second. [Ed’s. note: Katie told us in the post-game coverage that the Chief Justice juxtaposed the words at the beginning, throwing Barry off. Andersen Cooper later compared it to getting married. Maybe to a guy.]
12:06 – Ladies and gentlemen, the president of these United States – BARACK HUSSEIN OBABMA. And the howitzer’s are going off….God Damn I think I heard one outside.
12:07 – SPEECH!!!!
12:08 – The crowd drops in with ‘O-Bama!’ Barry starts his speech. He thanks Dubya and there was some jaded applause. Does anyone give a fuck about Dubya? I mean other than my Aunt Florence, who was alive for Roosevelt’s first term in office. Teddy, not Franklin.
12:10 – Barry outlines all the bad shit going on right now. I’m glad he knows what he’s up againt. But now I wanna move to Columbia and become a drug lord…[Ah, si. Okay, okay! Big man, you wanna make some big bucks?]
12:13 – They just showed some Tuskegee Airmen in the audience.
12:14 – Poppy is rocking a Costanza hat. Good look for him with the purple scarf. Do they sell men’s clothes where you got your outfit for the ceremony?
12:22 – In the midst of his portion about the vets, living and dead, my cable blacked out.
12:23 – My DirecTv came back. It was almost as traumatizing as the end of the Sopranos finale.
12:24 – Pops just spotted a Steeler jacket in the crowd shot. SB XLIII, mother fuckers!
12:26 – ‘Thank you. God Bless you. And God bless the United States of America.’ Good speech.
12:28 – Elizabeth Alexander, the inaugural poet, is reading a piece for us. I think they removed Joe Biden. I mean it makes sense. You wouldn’t want the both of them together at an open air evetn. I’m just wondering if they pulled him out as soon as he was sworn in. [……that’s what she said]
12:31 – People are walking out as Emily Dickinson finishes up, hopefully soonly.
12:32 – They should have had Common as the inaugural poet. Dianne introduces Reverend Joseph Lowery for the benediction. I was half expecting a Vince McMahon swerve.
‘Oh my God, is that Rev Wright’s music?!?! It is! Reverend Wright is in DC! And he’s got a steel chair! He’s fighting he way over to Barry. My God, he just smashed Hillary Clinton over the head! Bill appears to be dancing.’
12:37 – Rev Lowery just said ‘Red Man’. Thank God they were on a close up of Barry. He kinda cringed at that moment. Great unintentional comedy…
12:40 – Biden is still there. I’m impressed. I would have thought they got him out of their immediately, especially with a black man in charge. I mean, DC is south of the Mason Dixon Line.
Well, they’re going to some recap coverage so that will do it for us. Can I go get lunch now? Yes, I can!
Monday, January 19, 2009
I hear voices in my head.....
So I know I promised a bunch of stuff to you guys, but I gotta stop for a second and discuss the WWE. Tonight was the return of Vincent Kennedy McMahon! I missed half of the show in going to my sister's game. But I came back and caught Cryme Tyme beating the two doofi for a shot to fight for the Tag straps. They did something with Melina, but I missed it while I marveled at her bosomness staying in her top.
Then they finished with Vinnie Mac. So they bring out Jericho and he appeals to Vince for his job back. Vince brings out the princess and she tells Jericho to apologize to her. Then to the fans. Y2J got on his knees after the fans asked and begged for their mercy. Then Jericho was told by the Princess to leave the ring as the fans told him exactly what they think of him.
This ladies and gentlemen is when, as the like to say, business picked up. Randy Orton's music hit and he made his way to the ring. He told Steph that she needs to apologize to him for slapping him unnecessarily. He went on to call her names, then daddy told her to leave the ring. Vinnie confronted Rando and told him to apologize or lose his job. Randy went nuts and told VKM that the WWE would be nothing and nowhere without him and Vince should choose his words carefully. Vince started with his two famous words, You're...only to be cut off with a right from Orton. Randy then punted Vince in the head.
I loved this move on multiple levels. First, they have another means to get Vince off TV until WrestleMania. Second, everyone that Vince has feuded with has been the face. They took the opportunity to change Randy into the greatest heel they've had in a long long time. His psychosis has been growing for so long that this was the next logical step.
The first one out to Vince's side was Steph. I was openly rooting for him to punt her next. But what they did confused me. They had Randy being remorseful. I don't get it. You have the chance to elevate a guy to a level that you haven't had in a long time. You have the ultimate face in John Cena. You have the former most hated man (Vince), who just came out to a big pop. This to me seemed the chance to take this shit to the next level. In the past, I've given my opinion as to what I would have done. And today will be no different.
I have Randy punt Vince, then kick Steph next. Randy goes nuts in the ring keeping everyone out who attempted to come to their aid. Only Cody and Teddy can calm him to the point of getting him out the ring. Next week, the night after the Rumble, John Cena comes out and addresses the beating he unleashed on JBL. Then he moves on to Randy Orton. Even though Vince has screwed a number of wrestlers over the years. [Pause and everyone chants Bret Hart's name.] He tells Randy that Vince is a necessary evil and were it not for Vince, none of them would have their chance to be the superstars that they are. Kind of reiterating what it is that Vince told Randy about Cowboy Bob.
Now you've got this rehashed storyline [Cena vs. Orton] but with a fresh twist. Start a rift in the locker room. There are those that side with John Cena, maybe some you wouldn't expect. There are those that side with Randy Orton, again some you wouldn't expect. So you go to No Way Out with a gimmick match where in you have the anti-VKM guys and the anti-Orton guys. You could even cross brand it and that's how you begin to bring HHH back to Raw. You make it so it's a six man Elimination Chamber match. Winner gets a shot at Cena at WMXXV. Now you have crossed allegiances, who's really behind the cause and who's just looking for a title shot. It's a good way to get Orton and Cena in one ring without them actually touching leading into WMXXV. Then Randy wins and gets his shot at Cena in the main event in Houston.
Then they finished with Vinnie Mac. So they bring out Jericho and he appeals to Vince for his job back. Vince brings out the princess and she tells Jericho to apologize to her. Then to the fans. Y2J got on his knees after the fans asked and begged for their mercy. Then Jericho was told by the Princess to leave the ring as the fans told him exactly what they think of him.
This ladies and gentlemen is when, as the like to say, business picked up. Randy Orton's music hit and he made his way to the ring. He told Steph that she needs to apologize to him for slapping him unnecessarily. He went on to call her names, then daddy told her to leave the ring. Vinnie confronted Rando and told him to apologize or lose his job. Randy went nuts and told VKM that the WWE would be nothing and nowhere without him and Vince should choose his words carefully. Vince started with his two famous words, You're...only to be cut off with a right from Orton. Randy then punted Vince in the head.
I loved this move on multiple levels. First, they have another means to get Vince off TV until WrestleMania. Second, everyone that Vince has feuded with has been the face. They took the opportunity to change Randy into the greatest heel they've had in a long long time. His psychosis has been growing for so long that this was the next logical step.
The first one out to Vince's side was Steph. I was openly rooting for him to punt her next. But what they did confused me. They had Randy being remorseful. I don't get it. You have the chance to elevate a guy to a level that you haven't had in a long time. You have the ultimate face in John Cena. You have the former most hated man (Vince), who just came out to a big pop. This to me seemed the chance to take this shit to the next level. In the past, I've given my opinion as to what I would have done. And today will be no different.
I have Randy punt Vince, then kick Steph next. Randy goes nuts in the ring keeping everyone out who attempted to come to their aid. Only Cody and Teddy can calm him to the point of getting him out the ring. Next week, the night after the Rumble, John Cena comes out and addresses the beating he unleashed on JBL. Then he moves on to Randy Orton. Even though Vince has screwed a number of wrestlers over the years. [Pause and everyone chants Bret Hart's name.] He tells Randy that Vince is a necessary evil and were it not for Vince, none of them would have their chance to be the superstars that they are. Kind of reiterating what it is that Vince told Randy about Cowboy Bob.
Now you've got this rehashed storyline [Cena vs. Orton] but with a fresh twist. Start a rift in the locker room. There are those that side with John Cena, maybe some you wouldn't expect. There are those that side with Randy Orton, again some you wouldn't expect. So you go to No Way Out with a gimmick match where in you have the anti-VKM guys and the anti-Orton guys. You could even cross brand it and that's how you begin to bring HHH back to Raw. You make it so it's a six man Elimination Chamber match. Winner gets a shot at Cena at WMXXV. Now you have crossed allegiances, who's really behind the cause and who's just looking for a title shot. It's a good way to get Orton and Cena in one ring without them actually touching leading into WMXXV. Then Randy wins and gets his shot at Cena in the main event in Houston.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
I'm a terrible human being
With everything going on around me right now - I promise details in the next day or so - I needed something to cheer me up. Enter the Yahoo front page article, 'What happened to Kevin Pittsnogle?'. I'm happy to know I have something in common with a former big time college basketball player. Except I have a better career path, even if no job at the moment. Enjoy...
http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/basketball/blog/the_dagger/post/Finally-an-answer-to-Whatever-happened-to-Kevi?urn=ncaab,134910
http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/basketball/blog/the_dagger/post/Finally-an-answer-to-Whatever-happened-to-Kevi?urn=ncaab,134910
Monday, January 12, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Home Sweet Hell
I started out around 11 o’clock Sunday morning writing some witty commentary on the precedings of the previous day’s foot ball games. But somewhere around 12-12:30 I lost interest in it and found myself just kind of writing in circles, saying nothing. Then 1 o’clock came along and the New York Football Giants came out flat and the game had an odd flow, albeit one that featured two division rivals. Follow that up with the San Diego Super Chargers visiting the old hometown to take on the HomeBoys. And I have to admit it was indeed a great day.
I hate to look ahead, but I can’t help myself because I don’t think either the Iggles or Cards present much challenge to either the Baltimore Birdies (Cleveland Still Sucks) or the Black N Gold Crew. I digress, as I know the Steelers have the uphill climb of taking the three game sweep in one season to make it to the Super Bowl. Aside from that, I know that I’ve been watching sports for a quarter century and I’ve been relatively cognizant of it for about 2 decades – Damn you Barry Bonds for not throwing out Sid Bream.
Of all that sport watching, the majority of it has been dedicated to the Pittsburgh Steelers. In my lifetime, Chuck Noll retired and a guy named Bill Cowher took the helm. This led to the blown KC game in his first season. There was the Who Knew Pupunu game. And Crew Bledsoe getting his next job when he beat my boys coming off the bench to replace an injured Tom Brady. There was the spectacular run in ’95 to meet the Triplets in AZ. And most recently, the run to SB XL.
In thinking of all that, I could remember certain items when I really dedicated my mind, but everything was a little hazy. I know that in 04, we were 15-1 and Ben was the mother fucking shizznit, no more Tommy Gun Maddox – ladies and gentleman, your XFL MVP. Then he shit the bed and the Pats spanked our asses in the AFC Championship game. The next year, we were up and down. Ben started to show that he was vulnerable to injury but, we surmised, mainly to look like a superhero. We were 11-5 and seemed lucky to be such as we had to win out to clinch the 6 seed.
Then things turned in the snow game versus the Bears. I remember Bettis doing his best Bo Jackson to Brian Urlacher’s Bozzz. The actually playoffs is a haze though. I remember Kimo ruining the Cincy franchise. Ben’s season saving tackle after the sure handed Bettis fumbled on the 1. Ben doing his best gunslinger after heaving a TD at Mile High and pretty much ending Jake the Snake Plummer’s career. I know I was back in the Burgh for the Super Bowl, but for the life of me I don’t remember the game. I watch the replays on NFL Network, and so much of it looks foreign to me.
This time around I want to enjoy and remember it. So you’re all doomed to suffer as I talk about the Steelers run this season. I must say, I’m speechless today after watching this one. It was an odd feeling to watch us defer then kick off and have the ball rammed down our throats. At first I was skeptical that we’d gotten off the buses. I mean, had the gambling gods just deemd this the ‘fuck you’ round of the playoffs? Damn your trends and ‘home field’ advantages, they’re determined to ruin your kid’s college fund.
Then it all changed thanks to the legs of SanAntonio Holmes. I was sick and fucking tired of hearing about how the Chargers best chance of winning was in that third aspect of the game. They had Mike ‘the Man With the Golden Toe’ Scifres, whom I learned at the beginning of the game had an extra syllable in his name and John Madden had mispronounced it the week before – a shock I know. Well the Black N Gold took that advantage and shoved it up Norv Turner’s pooper. Santonio Wadd took it to the house. It was a thing of beauty to watch.
After that, all seemed to be right in Steeler land. Ben did his do and led a half ending drive that ended in a touchdown on a nice Willie Parker scamper off tackle. Then that deferment seemed such a nice advantage. Ben again took the boys down on a demoralizing half a quarter long scoring drive, converting what seemed like a dozen third and longs. Then the Defensive Player of the Year (heretofore known and D-POY) and Larry Foote played ‘Mine, No it’s mine’ with Phyllis Rivers first pass attempt of the half. Follow that with Eric Weddle’s header and Randall Gay’s great return (which was called back, drats). And we have ourselves a 28-10 ballgame and the Super Chasrgers had ONE offensive play and no yards in the third quarter.
I wish right then and there I wish I could have called it. But the game isn’t over until the final gun and Phyllis had some fight left in him and they made a good showing of it in the fourth quarter. It was good to see Willie Parker have himself a nice day, a buck forty-six and two touches. And old reliable, Heath Miller with the Steelers lone receiving touchdown. It was disconcerting that Hines Ward seemingly disappeared in the first half, but he recovered to finish with 4 for 70 – not Fitzgerald-esque numbers by any means, but he did have that nice 41-yarder down the sideline to set up the Parker touchdown to end the half.
All in all, it was good to watch the boys do what they do and do it better than the Chargers. Here’s to a good offseason of faith and prayer for Phyllis Rivers. Here’s to a good offseason wherein LDT can make another hill that he’ll run up and down in July, but will do nothing to strengthen his groin for November. Here’s to a good offseason of signing a running back that isn’t going to break down midseason – psssst, I don’t think that’s ‘Lightning Bug’. Moreover, here’s to next Sunday, 6:30 kick off between division rivals. Loser goes home. Winner goes to Tampa. As Mike Tomlin said after the game, if it was a scrimmage it would be big – this just happens to be the AFC Championship game.
I hate to look ahead, but I can’t help myself because I don’t think either the Iggles or Cards present much challenge to either the Baltimore Birdies (Cleveland Still Sucks) or the Black N Gold Crew. I digress, as I know the Steelers have the uphill climb of taking the three game sweep in one season to make it to the Super Bowl. Aside from that, I know that I’ve been watching sports for a quarter century and I’ve been relatively cognizant of it for about 2 decades – Damn you Barry Bonds for not throwing out Sid Bream.
Of all that sport watching, the majority of it has been dedicated to the Pittsburgh Steelers. In my lifetime, Chuck Noll retired and a guy named Bill Cowher took the helm. This led to the blown KC game in his first season. There was the Who Knew Pupunu game. And Crew Bledsoe getting his next job when he beat my boys coming off the bench to replace an injured Tom Brady. There was the spectacular run in ’95 to meet the Triplets in AZ. And most recently, the run to SB XL.
In thinking of all that, I could remember certain items when I really dedicated my mind, but everything was a little hazy. I know that in 04, we were 15-1 and Ben was the mother fucking shizznit, no more Tommy Gun Maddox – ladies and gentleman, your XFL MVP. Then he shit the bed and the Pats spanked our asses in the AFC Championship game. The next year, we were up and down. Ben started to show that he was vulnerable to injury but, we surmised, mainly to look like a superhero. We were 11-5 and seemed lucky to be such as we had to win out to clinch the 6 seed.
Then things turned in the snow game versus the Bears. I remember Bettis doing his best Bo Jackson to Brian Urlacher’s Bozzz. The actually playoffs is a haze though. I remember Kimo ruining the Cincy franchise. Ben’s season saving tackle after the sure handed Bettis fumbled on the 1. Ben doing his best gunslinger after heaving a TD at Mile High and pretty much ending Jake the Snake Plummer’s career. I know I was back in the Burgh for the Super Bowl, but for the life of me I don’t remember the game. I watch the replays on NFL Network, and so much of it looks foreign to me.
This time around I want to enjoy and remember it. So you’re all doomed to suffer as I talk about the Steelers run this season. I must say, I’m speechless today after watching this one. It was an odd feeling to watch us defer then kick off and have the ball rammed down our throats. At first I was skeptical that we’d gotten off the buses. I mean, had the gambling gods just deemd this the ‘fuck you’ round of the playoffs? Damn your trends and ‘home field’ advantages, they’re determined to ruin your kid’s college fund.
Then it all changed thanks to the legs of SanAntonio Holmes. I was sick and fucking tired of hearing about how the Chargers best chance of winning was in that third aspect of the game. They had Mike ‘the Man With the Golden Toe’ Scifres, whom I learned at the beginning of the game had an extra syllable in his name and John Madden had mispronounced it the week before – a shock I know. Well the Black N Gold took that advantage and shoved it up Norv Turner’s pooper. Santonio Wadd took it to the house. It was a thing of beauty to watch.
After that, all seemed to be right in Steeler land. Ben did his do and led a half ending drive that ended in a touchdown on a nice Willie Parker scamper off tackle. Then that deferment seemed such a nice advantage. Ben again took the boys down on a demoralizing half a quarter long scoring drive, converting what seemed like a dozen third and longs. Then the Defensive Player of the Year (heretofore known and D-POY) and Larry Foote played ‘Mine, No it’s mine’ with Phyllis Rivers first pass attempt of the half. Follow that with Eric Weddle’s header and Randall Gay’s great return (which was called back, drats). And we have ourselves a 28-10 ballgame and the Super Chasrgers had ONE offensive play and no yards in the third quarter.
I wish right then and there I wish I could have called it. But the game isn’t over until the final gun and Phyllis had some fight left in him and they made a good showing of it in the fourth quarter. It was good to see Willie Parker have himself a nice day, a buck forty-six and two touches. And old reliable, Heath Miller with the Steelers lone receiving touchdown. It was disconcerting that Hines Ward seemingly disappeared in the first half, but he recovered to finish with 4 for 70 – not Fitzgerald-esque numbers by any means, but he did have that nice 41-yarder down the sideline to set up the Parker touchdown to end the half.
All in all, it was good to watch the boys do what they do and do it better than the Chargers. Here’s to a good offseason of faith and prayer for Phyllis Rivers. Here’s to a good offseason wherein LDT can make another hill that he’ll run up and down in July, but will do nothing to strengthen his groin for November. Here’s to a good offseason of signing a running back that isn’t going to break down midseason – psssst, I don’t think that’s ‘Lightning Bug’. Moreover, here’s to next Sunday, 6:30 kick off between division rivals. Loser goes home. Winner goes to Tampa. As Mike Tomlin said after the game, if it was a scrimmage it would be big – this just happens to be the AFC Championship game.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Even roaches have kids.....
So the Candace Parker is going to have a child this coming spring. IDK what's more significant - Will this hurt the LA Sparxxx ability to repeat as champs? Will Parker return to form as one of the more fundmentally sound ballplayers in the game? Will she be able to dunk again?
OR and the idea that I'm leaning toward of significance this notion. The father of the baby is...(Drumroll Please!)...NBA star and Duke alum Shelden Williams! Apparently the two are married and you know that because she took his last name - oh wait...
But now Shelden 'No, I don't have a touch of the Downs' Williams is going to be a father. I mean, I'm brimming with questions here. Will she ever take his name? What name will the kids go by? Are these kids being set up to be the most awkward and googly children ever? Will this have any effect on HIS career? (Admittedly, I didn't know the big red retard was still in the L at this point. Next, you'll be twlling me that JJ Redick and his gramma poetry ass is still gainfully employed in the association as well.)
Health and wealth to the Williams-Parker clan in 09....and no June-November babies. (We wouldn't want to hurt the star of the real breadwinner of the family.)
OR and the idea that I'm leaning toward of significance this notion. The father of the baby is...(Drumroll Please!)...NBA star and Duke alum Shelden Williams! Apparently the two are married and you know that because she took his last name - oh wait...
But now Shelden 'No, I don't have a touch of the Downs' Williams is going to be a father. I mean, I'm brimming with questions here. Will she ever take his name? What name will the kids go by? Are these kids being set up to be the most awkward and googly children ever? Will this have any effect on HIS career? (Admittedly, I didn't know the big red retard was still in the L at this point. Next, you'll be twlling me that JJ Redick and his gramma poetry ass is still gainfully employed in the association as well.)
Health and wealth to the Williams-Parker clan in 09....and no June-November babies. (We wouldn't want to hurt the star of the real breadwinner of the family.)
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