Chivalry Is Dead....

And women killed it. I’m sorry to break it to you, ladies. But you killed gentlemanly life. I’ll grant you it started around the time of the revolution when the puritans made the voyage across the pond. But it really got going with suffrage and officially died with the second-wave feminist movement. I don’t mean to be a bigot here, but you altered the thing you desire most - male attention.
Now, I think equal rights is the most basic thing we are granted in birth. For all men and women, regardless of race, religion and sexual orientation. But for every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Remember in Pleasantville when William H Macy comes home, drops his hat and says ‘honey, I’m home’ but there’s no dinner in the oven and the missus is nowhere to be seen. In order to get your rights to be no longer be ‘barefoot and in the kitchen’ you have to sacrifice a little something - we all sacrificed a little something. And we're all better off because of it.
You wanna go out and make the same wages as me? You wanna work in a steel mill like me? You wanna play sports like me? You wanna be able to vote like me? Then open the door like I do. Stand on the train when there’s no seats like me. And don’t stand right outside the door on the subway when I’m tryna get out – and I won’t do it either.
I came to feel the need to write on this topic because of something I read in Friday’s NY Post. Apparently some woman opened up a dating service where she hooks up American women with British men, their fish + chips, bad teeth and fag smoking. The men like it because ‘there are a lot of very pretty girls in NY, I’ll say more that, more so than in London. And they’re a lot sexier too.’ Color me surprised – who’d you rather have Kathy Ireland and Tyra Banks or…I can’t think of one British model [Joss Stone is fucking sexy though, but that might just be her smoky voice]. And the women like it because the Brits are ‘on time, they open doors, they pull out chars and they’re more attentive’. I’m sorry that doesn’t happen all the time. Maybe if you shallow strumpets dropped your monetary statures and just went after a guy who could do that, you’d be happier. But you want that ‘financial security’. This is the country where Monopoly was born, the most played commercial board game in the world. This shit is cutthroat here. This is the original Wild West. When New Amsterdam wasn’t enough, we expanded and killed off all the natives.
So ladies, you have a choice. We can go back to how it was in the 1800s. Men will open your door and not look for a fuck on the first date, but you’ll be a second-class citizen. Or we can leave it how it is. You can vote, you can make an equal and fair wage but you have to deal with assholes men who’ve heard you scream forever that you’re exactly the same as we are. And you’re precisely right. You deserve to do the same things as any man on this earth. And that includes opening your own doors and pulling out your own fucking chair.