Home on the Range

I moved back to the ‘Burgh over the 4th of July week so that I could go on the road for work and pick up some extra cheddar to pay off my student loans. I am loathe for anything outside of NYC but my love/need of money out weighs my love of big city living and voodoo women named Phyllis. So I gave up the crib in Hoboken so that I could tackle cookie cutters in Kansas with people who talk funny – at least to me.
A funny thing happened on the way back to work though, I got shipped to…sunny Manhattan.
Believe me I’m not complaining, city rate for the summer is a beautiful thing. I’m just a little perturbed that I gave up the spot. So I’ve kinda been homeless for a few weeks now. I’ve technically been staying with Amor, but I’m not supposed to be there. I had my eye on an extended stay hotel in Elizabeth, NJ right near Jersey Gardens mall. I thought it was a pretty sweet deal, but two things came up. What about my car and getting to transportation in the morning? How much does $80 per night add upto over the course of 3 months? After considering the whole ‘kit and caboodle’ I saw that it was going to cost more than I’d like to pay at this point. I then checked out the extended stay in Jersey City, locate right off the path and had its own parking lot. Now crunch $100 per night over the course of three months.
So I opted to go the sublet route. I peeped out some places in JC, Bayonne and Hoboken. I had a great one lined up in Hoboken near the old spot but alas it wasn’t meant to be. Then a miracle came to me. There was an ad on craigslist for a place in Harrison/East Newark for $700 per month. I know what you’re thinking – something along the lines of the cribs episode of Redman. But you’re wrong. At least a little bit.
The roommate is cool. Black guy. Aspiring actor. Working late night at clubs in the city, tryna network. And he feels it’s worth mentioning that he’s gay. Just to get it out there. Make sure that I’m cool with it. Hell, it doesn’t bother me as long as he overstands that this guy is not. Thus far, I’ve spent a total of one night there over the course of a week. So I guess I’ll be checking back in with antics of living in East Newark and taking the path from there.
Also you gotta understand, it’s crazy different taking the Newark Train than the Hoboken train. It’s even different that the JSQ train. The Nwk train is like the melting pot. You have blacks from across Raymond Blvd. There’s the Spanish/Portugese/Hispanics from Down Neck. There’s the white people who drive into Newark from Suburban Hell. And they all ride the train all day long. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Newark Train that has more than one empty seat.
It’s funny too cuz JSQ doesn’t get many white people, so when I get on – I get the looks like maybe if we lynch him it’ll somehow make up for years of oppression. But the Nwk train is like being in the south in 70s. Everyone’s together and most people are cool with it. But the thing is a fucking powderkeg. If the wrong person were to step on the wrong person’s foot, it’d go bananas in there.
I already had my one instance. Evening rush hour (Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouf?!?!), train’s packed, I’m standing and it’s so tight that my crotch is way too close to this little old asian lady’s face and my arm pit is practically resting on this Indian woman’s head. Then this lady gets on at Exchange Place and decides she wants to not only talk to her girlfriend (standing on the other side of me) but she needs 3 feet from Petey Peckerwoods (aka – ME). So she wanna come through and just try and run her hip into my thigh (she was so short she could barely reach the grab bar) and get me to move. First thing’s fucking last, I may be a fat kid, but I’m still prolly the best box out man I know (mainly cuz IDK anyone in the NBA).
At first I was polite about letting her slide into the space and kinda leaned my hips away from her so she could squeeze. But then she wanna take that inch and push me a mile. So I waited til they were going to brake at Grove St (the stop after Exchange Place) and I threw my hips back in her direction. She kinda rolled into her girlfriend. So she still thought she owned the space so she started leaning on me. I gave no ground. Then the little asian lady was getting off at JSQ (next stop) and it was visible cuz she was gathering he things as we neared the station. I could tell Hipcheck McGhee wanted the seat. I wanted the seat, not so much cuz I needed to sit, but because HMG was a bitch and I wasn’t giving any ground (I have no white guilt. I’ve seen the system fuck white people too and I take every slight to heart…).
So I did a cool little pirouette where in I opened up space for the asian crotch facer and blocked out HMG. And boy was she pissed when I sat down. It was awesome. I whipped out my SuDoKu and pretended the whole thing never happened. I’d like to thank Dennis Rodman for this stunt because I love irritating mother fuckers. And watching D-Rod for those years with the Bulls was one of the most integral pieces to my youth.
Amor remarked when I got home that I’m a true gentleman. To which I responded, I open doors for you. Why I gotta be nice to them other bitches? I suppose I proved her point…