Thanks for the Memories, Ric

So I was expecting to sit down today and start writing out my post-WM plans. HHH should do this, Orton should do that, Kennedy should challenge him. But WWE Creative threw me a few curves last night. Don't get it twisted I'm glad to see they're still alive back there, but I'ma miss Ric Flair. Having said that, I'll put my thoughts together and post how I'd book the WWE coming up in the near future--hopefully this week...

Progress

Living a probverbial stone’s throw from Manhattan I can’t miss the skyline. It’s one of the reasons I live in Hoboken. How many biuldings are more recognizable than the Empire State Building, the Chrysler Building, Rock Center, AmEx? All the rest…I know I recognize more than that but not by name.
Being in the industry I’m in, I can’t miss the new additions to the skyline. I’ve worked in the Time Warner Center, the gaudy yet beautiful twin edifices on the Western portion of Columbus Circle. More seem to pop up everyday. And it’s not limited to Manhattan. Jersey City is sprouting high rises as well. The mix use buildings. Live on the 14th floor, work on the 41st. I could save a lot of time and money with that commute.
But where is it all leading us? Sometimes it feels like I’m looking out at the genesis of city from Blade Runner or Escape from NY. Some future city where people drive hover cars and live on the 101st floor and work on 1001st. Are we out pacing ourselves? In “I, Robot”, the robots began to interpret the three laws as they saw fit. In war, we were unable to spare ourselves. So the machines stepped in and spared us for us, with fewer casualties.
Now, I can talk to my car and it’ll play whatever song I want. MPG’s meet MP3’s—I think that’s the ad campaign. They have a car that can fax me a report of what’s wrong. But I can’t get a Cadillac that won’t rust. You can’t stop progress, that’s what I always say. But what if you should? Is there a point at which we’ve rendered ourselves obsolete? I don’t mean to spell gloom and doom and I don’t imply that we’re headed for Armageddon in my own lifetime. I simply say that we might be sowing the seeds. Buildings soar ever higher. There is little left to discover globally, so we reach to the heavens—the unknown. Yet, weariness in the present abounds. Those in the know removed Pluto as a planet. Now I think it’s back in cuz more bodies were found which share similarities with Pluto and the douche bags looking through the telescope wanted some real recognition.
Don’t ask what my point is on this one. I was walking down Wash Blvd in Jersey City over the weekend and noticed that the new Trump building nearing completion. Last week, I had the chance to stand on top of the Plaza Hotel and look out over Central Park. I could see all the way to Harlem. It was the most serene experience. It had an instant calming effect. Though it might have just been all the old money, because when I turned to my left I could see the TWC and it made me feel competitive. Like I had to strive harder to make more of something for someone. I think progress is a good word for that. I know I can, but I wonder if I should…

Past Life

I was talking to Amor the other day about past lives. (We were driving back to the ‘Burgh and in the 6 hour car trip we kinda went off on a tangent with some questions. It was pretty cool actually, cuz we touched on some things we’d never really delved deeply into before. It was nice to talk about new things.) She carries a belief that we all had past lives and we continue to evolve and move up in stature from one life to the next. I don’t know if I believe in this per se, but I did like the idea that we carry on from one life to the next with the same soul.
So it got me thinking about who I might have been in a past life. And I came to a startling conclusion in my own head. I was Len Bias. I can hear your impending aneurism from over here so allow me to explain.

• I love basketball. This has been reaffirmed this year as I’ve stopped my confliction with the sport and come back to watching/following it. Only now I’ve moved onto the L.
  I never did cocaine, but that’s only cuz I realize that if I were to try, I’m sure I’d buy. Everyday, until I died. Hard drugs aside, I had some pretty unhealthy party habits back in the day. I have an addictive personality. I was addicted trumpet, then bball, then alcohol & now performance art.
• I carry a soft spot for Maryland. Mom dukes has always spoken fondly of the state for some reason, something with her father and UMd, where Bias went to school. Pops is a fan of the Grateful Dead and there’s always been a photo of Terrapin Station around, album art, t-shirts, posters or magazine covers. UMd’s mascot is the Terrapin.
• Pops was also a C’s fan from back in the day. He had this green Celtics jacket that he wore everywhere when I was little. It was like the late-80s answer to the Members Only jacket for tall, lanky white guys. And now, one of my favorite players is a Celt (Big Ticket). Red Auerbach was a deity in my household too. We had those old instructional videos with Bird, Red and heavy cigar smoke that I used to watch all the time when I was tryna figure out roundball.
• Len Bias was black. Now I know what you’re thinking. “D, you are not African American.” And outwardly, you may be right. But deep down, I’m black. I love hip hop. Fried chicken and watermelon are my two favorite foods. I have rhythm. I rap. Sorta. I love ugly white women with big asses. (Ed’s note: Dylan is in a loving, committed relationship with a beautiful Spanish girl. He has not dated a white girl in years.)

So after she said this and I went through my inner monologue a few days later, this is what I came up with. And I got excited. I started thinking that everything made sense. Then I wiki’d it to see when Len Bias died. It was 1986. Rats. Now I have no clue who I mighta been....

Pre-WrestleMania

I promised a pre-WM look at the booking I'd do coming out of WM and here it is...

• With Jeff Hardy out of action (regardless of the reason) there is an open MITB match slot. I realize there’s going to be a battle royal to fight Chavo for the ECW title later in the night, but make the Flair/HBK a qualifying match for the MITB. This would set up 2 angles.
• HBK wins and enters the MITB match. This gives WWE someone of noteworthiness to book to win the match and makes any of the 3 possible match ups intriguing.
• Cena—Rematch of WM 23.
• Orton—Put HBK out of action in ’07 with the head punt
• HHH—Anyone ever heard of DX? (I’ll get to this a little further down.)
• I feel that this is the better idea though. Let Flair beat HBK. Everything has been pointing to Flair’s impending retirement, but why not pull the bait and switch? I’m sorry but no one is shelling out $55 just to see Ric’s “last match”. And USA brass has been pushing for bigger things to happen on Raw.
• Flair enters the MITB and wins. Don’t ask me how the old bastard climbs the ladder but he’s not the dirtiest player for nothing.
• Have Ric come out at the end of the main event and punk the champion and assert that he’s too old to wait for another title shot. He’s cashing in his MITB on Raw 3/31. This really works if HHH wins, which isn’t a stretch to anyone’s imagination because:
• HHH missed last year’s WM via injury (in a match with Orton)
• HHH is/was Orton’s mentor
• HHH was eliminated by John Cena at the Rumble
• HHH has 2 kids with Stephanie McMahon
• The next night on Raw you have a main event that ‘oughta put butts in the seats.’
• Creative looked to be setting up a Show/Y2J feud (from Show’s appearance on Hightlight Reel). I hope this is a real attempt to elevate the IC ‘Chip. These are two (former) main eventers. I don’t see the future of this though. I’d like to see them leading towards stables still. This might be a good launching point.
• Imagine Show, Umaga, JBL and a heel-to-be-named-later (good spot to elevate Snitsky since VKM allegedly loves him so) vs. Jericho, Kennedy & Carlito.
• I know those last two are currently heels, but Y2J once was too. Why can’t we go back to the anti-heroes? I think both of those two could learn as much from Jericho as anyone else on the roster. In this feud, they’d be the faces but really they could just be the lesser of two evils. The rest of the time they could be play both sides against everyone else. Plus, because they’ve all shown egoism in the past, wouldn’t the name the ‘Human Highlights’ be a good name for them? [Disclaimer: Dylan’s writing this at 7AM after working half the night.] Then you can have either of the group’s winning the mid-level belts and defending the titles under Freebird rules.
• Plus, if Snitsky is the 4th of the heel squad, he could also learn a lot. Show could point him to the buffet table. Umaga could teach him to speak more incoherently making his terrible promos more bearable. JBL could coach him in the ring.
• You could always align HBK with the Human Highlights because he’s an egotistical prick (or so he’s said) from way back.
• When Hardy returns, he plays true face to the heels and Santino could be the pesky heel wanna-be who always gets his ass kicked tryna run with the big dogs. Both have held the IC within the last year.
• Burchill and his sister-fucking self can also be a face along side London, Kendrick & Rhodes.
  Hardy & Rhodes can play the ‘Lone Wolf’ roles and take on the big bad machines as needed.
• Coming out of WM, I’d bet bottom dollar that HHH is the champ.
• If Flair wins the MITB, you have the aforementioned fight. Then you head into a rematch program, preferably with Orton. (I think Cena is still going off to film 16 Rounds, another reason he won’t win in Orlando.) You can run that one until at least Backlash in late April and set him up for something new for the summer. Does Y2J/Show get (back) into the title picture so quickly? (Y2J had a title shot almost immediately, why doesn’t Show get one?) That can get you through One Night Stand. Then you’re in mid summer, facing down SummerSlam. Maybe, HBK comes forward and says he wants one more day in the sun. Who better to fight for the ‘chip than his old pal Hunter? Somewhere along the line though, HBK kinda screws HHH and we get to SummerSlam with good heat. Head into the fall with a Cena return building to HHH/Cena @ Survivor Series.
• If HBK wins the MITB. I think you go right to the Orton rematch and proceed along the same lines. Only, maybe you have HBK with the heel turn mid-summer leading to a SS match with good heat.
• Maria, because of her newly released Playboy cover wins the Women’s title from the Glamazon aka Boobie McMandible. She proceeds to fellate me.
• I would like to take a moment and recognize Mi Amor for being the most compassionate and understanding woman in the world. I love you sweetheart.

But that's what I wish VKM and the crew would be working toward for the summer.

Field of 65....

It’s been another interesting opening weekend for the NCAA Men’s field of 65. Brackets have been busted. Final fours have been finagled. And in some cases, champions have been challenged. Alliteration aside, we’re gonna step away from the paid players and delve into the collegiate ranks for a night.
With the Sweet 16 set (I didn’t mean to do that), questions loom large and answers are sure to come. Which bodes better for the future, UCLA’s harrowing escape versus or UNC’s trashing of back-to-back opponents? Does UCLA now have ‘game experience’, meaning they won’t get rattled next time someone shakes the cage? Does UNC have enough mo’ that they’ll never get touched? I’m honestly more impressed by UCLA’s first two games. No, they didn’t play perfectly like UNC. But their game experience should serve them well should they be playing March 5th down 6 late in the second half. How will UNC react to similar circumstances if they run through next weekend as they did this one?
G’Town and Pitt waged war for the Big East ‘Chip. Now, neither will be in the Sweet 16. The Hoyas torched Nova and WVU to reach the Big East finals. Pitt beat L’Ville impressively in the conference quarters. Those three ‘losers’ are now moving on in the Big Dance, even though they couldn’t win the Big East. I guess those days rest meant more than the momentum Pitt carried into the madness.
In saying that, I prove my theories on UNC and UCLA to be wrong. UNC has tons of momentum and UCLA had to fight tooth and nail. I know there are more than these two programs remaining, but I still think they have the best chance of winning. What it’ll come down to is the ability to make shots, play D and, most importantly, rebound. Then there’s the match ups, Furious T vs. Love & Collison vs. Lawson. I think if Love can match Hansbrough’s production, I have to give the Bruin’s backcourt the edge over the Heels. I’m putting this out there cuz I had Pitt and G’Town in my Final Four and my bracket just went from Lindsay to Britney…

It was a good run.....

Last night, the Boston Celtics ended the Houston Rockets 22-game winning streak. Today everyone is talking about the end of the streak and how it signals the downfall of the Rockets in the West. I’d like to see how they rebound with this next road trip (NO, GS & Phx). Houston has two things flying right now. Number one, they are adapting to playing without out Yao. This includes multiple bigs (Scola, Deke & Landry), yet less of a focus on that hulking presence in the paint. Number 2, did Boston really re-invent the wheel by denying T-Mac the ball and forcing Luther ‘Gimme’ Head, Bobby ‘No Relation’ Jackson, ‘Sugar’ Shane Battier & Skip to beat them? That seems like the best possible idea, unless it’s May. Once its time for Mexican Memorial Day, I wanna Tracy ‘I-can-see-both-of-you’ McGrady do something.
And I’d be remiss if I neglected to mention that Boston has a comeback win in San Antone & a 20-pt W now in Houston. They’re going for the ‘trifecter’ on Thursday. (Why is that Bostonians drop the R in car, yet add one to anything that ends in A? Trifecta, Plaza, etc.) The C’s are 22-4 vs. the West. They’ve beaten Detroit in Beantown and the D. And lost close twice each in Cle & Orl. All I’m tryna say is that the C’s can hang with the West teams, they play a nice brand of left coast ball. They can stretch the floor & spread the floor. But of the 12 glorious year that Big Ticket spent in the West Conference, how many times did he beat TD or the Diesel? They have to show me they can beat the bigs in the L. Howard and the Pistons frontcourt—who’s guarding who? Is KG gonna D up LBJ? Tune in starting this April for the answers to these questions and MORE!

Royal Rumble Fallout

If you're not a big wrestling fan, you might should skip this column. I will be speaking of things you aren't familiar with and don't feel like explaining. Coming out of the Royal Rumble, Miggy and I were discussing the merits of the WWE and creative and what storylines were and weren't working. We then came to discuss what we'd do. I ended up putting together a whole outline on it. Keep in mind this is from post-RR (January) and some of this has changed.

• World Strap
• Orton retains at No Way Out—CLEANLY
  i. For the love of God is it too much to ask that your champion wins a match cleanly and looks dominant?
• HHH wins the Elim Chamber match to be the no. one contender
• Have Cena get a little dirt on him after NWO
  i. Punk Orton
• 3-way at WM
  i. Hunter wins by pinning Cena
• At WM, Flair wins the MITB match
• Flair cashes in on the next raw and loses to Hunter
• Cena is named no. one contender cuz he ‘lost’ at WM
  i. Cena/Hunter culminates at One Night Stand with HHH winning
• Orton then inserts himself into the title picture because he didn’t lose at WM
  i. Orton/HHH @ SummerSlam
• Tag Team
• Rhodes/Holly lose the belts under a cloud of scrutiny to Highlanders
• Have one of them turn
  i. If it’s Holly, he blames the kid for his loss and is going to make him pay by buddying up with William Regal and giving Cody ridiculous matches he could never possibly win
  ii. If you have Cody turn, it could become interesting. He blames Holly for losing his first belt. They go back to fighting each other only now Cody is winning their matches. Cody declares himself done with Holly and starts nipping at HBK’s heels for the IC belt
• JBL/Umanga are a dynamic duo after the EC match and win the tag gold
• London/Kendrick lay claim to no. one spot and ultimately lose by ONS
• Cryme Tyme return to feud through SS
• CT wins belts leading to Umaga/JBL feud
• IC
• Coming out of NWO and the EC Match, HBK and Hardy have beef
  i. This can elevate the belt to meaning something again
• Hardy and HBK fight for the belt in a Ladder match at WM
• HBK wins it
• Kennedy becomes no. one contender by having a great showing at the MITB match at WM
• Kennedy and Rhodes form an alliance to get the belt away from HBK
• Set up for Kennedy/HBK @ ONS where HBK wins
• Next night on Raw, Cody Rhodes vows revenge and defeats HBK
• Kennedy expects Rhodes to ‘Fingerpoke of Doom’ for him to get the belt
• Rhodes refuses and they beef leading to a SS match
• Y2J/Hardy
• Come out of the EC match with beef and feud through the summer
• Perfect for an Extreme Rules match at ONS

Like I said, some of this stuff has passed--Jericho already beat Hardy for the IC strap, but that still might be a good return angle for Hardy later this summer. This will be a recurring thing too. I have another one I put together pre-WrestleMania. I suppose, I'll do one around the PPVs from here on. And if WWE isn't your thing, no hard feelings skipping these posts. Otherwise, enjoy.

Crank that....

I'm not one to brag...okay I am but hear me out. I have further proof that LBJ will be joining the Nets in BK.

http://www.cleveland.com/cavs/plaindealer/index.ssf?/base/sports/12057426597770.xml&coll=2

Okay so maybe that's not really condemning and final, but the King is comparing himself to Young. What are the chances the scoreboard at the Q has photos of DeShawn Stevenson in a TuTu at the next game? I bet Bronnie ends up in NY wearing the 4-5, but it ain't to aim atchu. It's to play games witchu...

Uninspired

I set out the other day trying to write something about inspiration. Ironically, I had none. Mine tends to come in spurts (See: first week of this blog when I made about 5 posts per day). I don’t know where I was really headed with the inspiration. I started thinking about what inspires me. As much as visual medium inspires, too often I can’t think outside of that realm. For instance, after we saw demolition man as kids, Morty and I recreated the movie, scene for scene. Guess which one of us played Wesley Snipes? Granted, I’m sure that flick inspired nothing but yawns and gag reflexes.
Point being, I can’t necessarily watch a movie or tv show or read a book and be inspired to create something totally different. Inspiration for me has almost always come from music. What do I feel when I hear Can’t Knock the Hustle, Juicy, Keep Ya Head Up, Rockstar, All I Need, Friend of the Devil or the Fixxxer? That’s the shit that gets me thinking. It isn’t necessarily the words either. It can just be the dulcet tones that shake something within my cerebral cortex and motivate me. It evokes an emotion within me that causes me to think in a certain direction.
When I set out to write my first screenplay, it was primarily influenced by the music of Jay Z and some Biggie. Couple that with some shit that was going down in my reality, and my active imagination to say what if there’s a parallel universe in which all these people live at extremes. And voila. I had my first screenplay. But then I hit a rut. I swear all I’ve really listened to since about Christmas is American Gangster, Graduation & The Cool. It’s really worn me down. I’ve tried branching out, but that other shit isn’t speaking to me. I went with Wu, Big, Nas and even some shit outside of Hip Hop. But none of it has struck me. Until this morning, that is. I threw on the song Rockstar cuz I woke up singing it. Then I put on the Cool. Once I heard Superstar I had no more use for it. So I threw on ATLiens. Ahhhh, I think I have an idea….

Disclaimer

If you’ll bear with me, I want to run something up the flagpole and see if it salutes. It was brought to my attention that some of my remarks, in particular racially, may get some people a little riled up and I’d like to explain myself.
I’m a Caucasian American, so are a lot of my friend and in fact my entire family. But I do have friends from near every ethnic, racial and sexually oriented group. I really don’t give a shit what your ‘thing’ is, just so long as you are who you are and allow others to be who they are. Some say I’m a doe eyed idealist in that respect. I know what exists outside the confines of my cerebral cavity. I know that the KKK are out there; lingering, hating. (Ed’s. Note: they are include by name because they are still active and highly visible in this country.) I just happen to think they’re so ignorant it’s funny. So I make jokes in regards to things bigots say matter-of-factly in hopes that someday, more people will think they’re jokes and less will buy into bigotry.
When I call Yao Ming the ‘Chinaman’, I’m making a Big Lebowski reference. When I say that I think everyone I know secretly hates black people, I mean that they don’t wear baggy jeans and listen to BIG or Jay everyday. And just wait til I start saying fuck white people. What I mean by that will blow your minds…But this shit’s all jokes. So please, don’t take me too seriously. Let’s have fun with this. Life is too short to argue about beliefs, let’s debate ideas. Fuck the KKK.

Better than the Shaq trade....

I’m a fantasy sports guy too. We’ve been doing football for a few years. Baseball a couple years and basketball last year. But now that the NBA is good this year, we don’t have a league. I think it’s cuz everyone I know secretly hates black people, but I digress. So every now and then you’re going to have to tolerate some of my tales of imaginary winning. I figure the rest of my life is pretty much make believe, some odd Ally McBeal-like fantasy universe that I’ve created like an acid trip, so we can talk about my false sports endeavors. (I’d like to take the time and say that I only know that show cuz moms used to watch it. And I used to have a thing for the bulimic bitch.)
Any rate, I recently traded Josh Beckett to my brother for his first round pick giving me the no. 7 pick (his) and the no. 2 pick (mines, I really sucked last year; and the year before). I’d like to pat myself on the back for that maneuver and Josh’s subsequent back spasms. I’ll stop now, cuz I don’t want to pull a shoulder muscle. Stay tuned and I’ll recap this Sunday’s draft.
On another note, my brother is bringing his chick this week. I don’t know how this will influence our debaucherous nature. Hopefully, there won’t be any ill effects. After all, he and I will still be prominently involved and we’ll be traipsing around the city at our whim. And it’s Good Friday this week. Last year we went to Arthur’s Steak House for “fish”. Who knows what lie ahead…..

Franchise like a Houston Rocket--Yao Ming!

I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge the Rockets in this here space. I lauded myself as an NBA guy and 18 straight is just too much to let slip by. And if they lose this week, you can blame me. But the Rockets have been doing the do for the last month+ at a time when the L, especially the West, appears to be at its deepest. Now some will say this is a product of scheduling, for this hasn’t been the toughest stretch for Hou and Rick Adelman, but they did win vs. GS, vs. Por, @ Cle, @ NO, @ Dal & vs. NO in this stretch. That’s 33% of the games. So this hasn’t been a total fluke. And fluke would not be the term for this anyway. I don’t care who you’re playing, if you’re lacing up in the West night in and night out you’re getting a lot of best shots. It still looks like a 50 win team will be in the lottery. Even the teams on the outside of the West looking in are pretty frisky. Moreso than say the East. I don’t know what impresses me more about this though, that Yao is about to miss significant time for the second time in three years. Or that this is about to become a national incident for us and China heading into the Beijing Games. When I first read that Yao was having the procedure and hoping to play in the Olympics, I thought it was kinda bullshit and Houston fans should revolt and send the XXL Chinaman packing. Then I reconsidered and thought what it’d be like to rep my country on the universe’s largest stage. And about what an honor I’d consider that to be. Then I thought what if that country was China, and I thought I might be a little reticent, what with Darfur, Tibet and the Dalai Lama looming overhead now. But that’s just me. What do I know, I’m just some ass in Hoboken with a Sprint Air Card. My only hope is that the Chinese government borrows Hal’s weather machine, that shit will definitely keep the games free of cloud cover.

Sleep Study

Sleep is the window to the soul. It’s the most vulnerable time we as people have. Watch your son, daughter, niece or nephew sleep next time you get the chance. A baby lying on its back, head to one side, arms up by their heads. Sometimes their legs twitch and they look like they’re doing a frog splash. It’s almost as if the dream is too big for their tiny body. Watch them at age 3, assed out after a long day at play. Facedown in the pillow, arms stretch out at their sides, legs splayed like fall victims. They just dropped right there. Then they start to get older and sleep becomes more of an ordeal. Bed time. Tell that to any 6 year old who isn’t done watching TV. They toss and turn. Not because of money, or the 8721 account. They toss and turn because they would rather be playing, watching TV or maybe just hanging out with the grown ups. Fast forward some more and PSATs, girls, QPA and college acceptance looms. The sleep is still there and it’s good. Check out the teenager who’s an honor student, varsity athlete and involved in student activities. I bet that kid sleeps a lot. I bet there’s that one relative breaking balls that kid should be out doing something or other. But mom and dad don’t dare bother them. They know what’s going on in their kid’s mind. They’ve been there. Maybe not recently, but they know what all that teen’s doing right now AND for the future. Flash forward to the mid 20-something. Rent paid? Work-life balance? Steady girlfriend? Two?
How do you sleep when you don’t allow the not-so-nice thoughts creep into your mind on a daily basis? When you push them out because you know that no one else cares, mostly because they have them too. Theirs are most certainly different. But ask anyone from the janitor to the CEO and they’ve got money problems. Whether it’s keeping a roof over the family or affording that second cottage in Vermont for the skiing trips. We all think we have problems. But who shows them while moving about this earth like a worker drone, 9-5, 10-6, two jobs to survive?
The ones whose problems are manufactured, I bet they sleep well. They know that if the slip up a bit, there’s a ladder made of greenbacks to help them step it back up. What about the ones who have the real issues? Rent overdue. Car payment behind. Credit card bills taller than the Empire State Bldg. How do they sleep? How can they sleep? Maybe they have that 10-6 to balance it out. Maybe they don’t ever sleep. Maybe they continue to work to convince themselves that they don’t have problems.
But sleep is the only time when I can be true with myself. There’s no one left there in the dark but me. The only thing keeping me company is my thoughts. And when I get through with them, acknowledge them and finally doze off, how will I sleep? Like that 3 year old, exhausted from a long day’s play. Or tossing and turning like the ornery 6 year old, cranky because it’s bedtime again. And not because I want to keep playing, but because I have to.

Right Back Atcha Did

Some of you may know by now that my boy Barnes (aka Diddy aka Did aka PCann aka Patty) has his own little corner of cyberspace as well. It's called the Barney Show and it stems from goof off sessions on the bus to and from games in HS (I didn't know him then). It's his own satirical POV on world events, though not the important ones. He loves LiLo (Lindsay Lohan), the NFL (being from LI, he's a lifelong Jets fan--go on ask him about the AFC Div game from '04) and is one of the few remaining NBA fans along with myself. And he has a daughter in Texas, and when goes to visit her let's just say hilarity ensues. Give him a look cuz it's definitely worth your time and he's interviewed me.

http://thebarneyshow.blogspot.com/


PS--I worked on a few things over the weekend, I'ma clean them up and you can expect a few postings over the next week. And Morty is on his way up here midweek. Debauchery always seems to follow us, so stay tuned.

Those were the days....

So now people are fabricating their memoirs. First there was the ‘Million Little Pieces’ guy from Oprah who was found to be a fraud. I only know any details on this the same as many Americans, from South Park. If it wasn’t for Parker and Stone, I wouldn’t know that Tom Cruise and John Travolta were trapped in a closet. Then the holocaust joint was found to be false. And now some white bitch from an upper-class neighborhood is claiming she was raised half-cracker, half-native American in East LA by a black step mother who made her sell crack for the bloods. And her brother was gunned down by those same Bloods. I think someone should call up Vanilla Ice and let him know that he was just a decade+ too early. Nowadays, it’s perfectly acceptable to be Caucasian and make this shit up. Well not perfectly, but book publishers don’t check that shit close enough. So what does this mean? We don’t lead interesting enough lives. People have to embellish themselves into harrowing tales. This tells me another one of two things. Either many Americans wish they were black, or we just enjoy hearing how fucked up life in the hood really is. Sadly, I fall into both camps. But I don’t get a perverse pleasure out of hearing how fucked up the hood is. I like hearing people tell stories they’ve been involved in or heard from other people, no matter if it’s bustin caps in whitey from QB or fighting bear with your bear hands from Omaha. Take for instance this last aforementioned ‘memoire’. She now says she heard the stories while doing anti-drug counseling or some shit in LA. Now why couldn’t she have just written a book called ‘N!&&@z iz Krazee? I mean if the publishers thought the stories were good enough to be published, shouldn’t they still be left out there for the general readership to peruse? Other than the title of course....

NBA Trades

And don’t think I don’t have opinions on the NBA late season moves. In no particular order…

• Lakers get Gasol—highway fucking robbery. This was like the last great heist of the wild, wild west. Dr. Jerry Buss looks a lil like an old west bandit with that facial hair doesn’t he?
• Cavs get the pu pu platter—I like the Larry Hughes dump (I am cornhoolio!). Drew Gooden was expendable, but who’s going to replace him with the weird hair? First the ducktail and now the beard. I vote for Delonte cuz he’s already pretty odd looking. He and Wally World B Free are my favorite pieces of the trade. Finally a solid point for Bronnie and a white sniper. Ben is little more than a name at this point. As long as Joe Smith doesn’t have any other back door deals, he’s a decent addition to the bench. But this is little more than posturing by the Cavs. Just a different look to throw at Detroit and Boston.
• Spurs sign Damon—I remember him mainly from the Chappelle skit where he’s inhaling and leans across Sheed and stutters his name as he holds his smoke.
• NO trades for Bonzi—Who trades for cancer?
• PHX gets Big—a plodding big man for an open set team. Steve Kerr must miss television. I applaud him for the move because they had some cushion and Matrix doesn’t care about chips apparently. But I’m struggling to see how much better this makes them. NOTE: this is all moot if it frees up Amare to go for 40-25, which I think might be necessary in order to contend.
• Dallas trades AARP member for a Kidd—I see the point in him opening up the court and helping them get the easy shots early, making them less tired at crunch time. But he still doesn’t help them get the tough shots on the tough possessions. And I want you to tell me who’s guarding Parker, Nash, DeRon or CP3.
• Hou loses a 7’6” chinaman—as long as your star has a lazy eye, you’re not winning a chip.
  

I’m sure I missed something in there, but I got most of my most important thoughts on paper. And I already know, chinaman is not the accepted nomenclature dude....

The Fix

I have found something better than any drug. Anything you could snort, sniff, drink or smoke. I have discovered my reason for being. The reason I wake every morning. The reason I haven’t killed everyone I don’t know. The reason I live. The reason I love. It’s my why. I’d kill for it. I’d die for it. I live for it. I love it.
It has given me the greatest high. It has contributed to my greatest lows. Though to this point I have few lows, so I don’t know if I can really get you to understand them. They’ve taken place internally. They were when I drank too much. When I smoked too much. I passed out hating myself for giving up on this. I woke angry for not doing it right then. When I don’t get my fix, I feel like a junkie trapped on a bathroom floor. One eye peering up the needle; wondering if I jab myself again, will I get more? When I don’t get it, I get edgy. I get antsy. I can’t live without it. I love it.
I used to hate it. But that’s only cuz the others didn’t get it. They never did. I tried numerous things to fill in for it. Band was fun. I still love music. I rap in hopes I could get it that way. But honestly who would buy me as a rapper. I’m white. I’m from Pittsburgh. Most of my high school was white. I went to a $30-something thousand a year college and am an engineer. I’m not a rapper. I’m a poet. At least that’s what I’d have you believe. I’m more of a storyteller. I have the most insane inner dialogue. And if I didn’t get my fix from time to time, there’d be a few more bodies. Sadly, I don’t think I’m joking.
I need this. More than oxygen. More than water. More than taking a piss. I need this. It keeps me regular. It keeps me even. When I didn’t have it, when I was younger, I lashed out at everyone. I had no friends. It was my fault though. I pushed everyone away. Not only did I not have my fix, I didn’t have basketball. Ah, the court. Everything makes sense out there. It’s beautiful. But it’s a matter of quantifying everything. I can’t exist solely in a world of numbers. Quantity can kiss the whitest part of my ass, which is basically everything around my pucker.
I love quality. I know my sense of humor doesn’t always show it. But I know the quality jokes from the poor ones. I make the poor ones just so you’ll shake your head and go, you’re a fucking idiot. Then when I make the quality ones. The ones you laugh out loud to. The ones you’re afraid to laugh at cuz they’re wrong. But deep down you and I both know you haven’t laughed that hard since we were little girls. That’s why I do it.
I just wanna touch you, but not in the Chris Hanson way. I wanna make you think. I wanna make you laugh. But most of all I want to make you cry. I wanna elicit that. There’s nothing better than that. If you walk away crying, whether you’re angry or you’re sad or you just empathize, you get it right there. That’s it. Crying is the basest thing I can get from you. But that’s still not what I need. That’s the response to what I need.
What I need. What I desire. What I crave is your attention. It’s what I can’t live without. It validates me. I know you’re looking at me. Whether it’s just to say, wow that’s a big dude or funny dude or funny looking dude. Whatever it is. I got you. You looked. You might not wanna be friends. You might not wanna fuck. You might not want to want anything from me. But I got you. That’s all I want. Can you see me? Can you hear me? I got you. As long as you see me. As long as I feel that I exist to you. That’s what I need. But please don’t confuse this. I don’t give a fuck what you think. I care if I have b.o. I care if I have something in my teeth. I don’t care if I farted and you know it was me. Etiquette dictates that you take it quietly. And if you do call me out on it, we’re going to be good friends.
That’s it though. I just need your attention. And the worst part is. I prefer the negative. I love getting booed. Anyone can be a good guy and get cheered. Fuck Hulk Hogan. Gimme Hollywood. Gimme the nWo. Time to say good night to the bad guy. It’s much easier to get cheered. I want you to hate me. I want you to look at me and go ‘ew fuck him’. The problem comes with the people that I genuinely like, when they get caught up too much in the posturing. They mistake that for me. It’s not. And I’d like to apologize to them. I’d name them all, but to my surprise the interweb is not infinite.

MorningStar Manifesto

There are a certain number of things I believe and believe in. What follows is a sampling of these beliefs in no particular order.

• Pittsburgh—born and raised there. I love my Steelers. If I have to pick a hockey team, it’s the Pens. Otherwise, the ice is too cold for me.
• I like football, but I love Basketball.
• NBA over NCAA—this is a recent thing for me. It’s a convergence of circumstances. It seems that somehow sending these ‘one and dones’ to the halls of academia has diluted the talent pool. And right now the L is just too good to overlook.
• Knicks—in spite of everything right now, I’m rolling with the Knicks. I grew up idolizing the Garden and NYC as the mecca of hoops.
• My first NBA game was the Kemp-era Cavs. I think LBJ is the best in the L right now and I also think he will sign with Jay Z’s Nets in 2010.
• I will be a Nets fan in 2010.
• On February 16, 2008, I saw a man fly.
• Dwyane Wade’s career peaked as the Finals MVP.
• Melo’s career peaked at Syracuse.
• Yankees—no I’m not a front runner. My pops loved the 70’s Bronx Bombers and Billy Martin. My big brother wants to fellate Don Mattingly.
• Will the Buccos ever contend? I just want an 80-game winner. I wanna see a meaningful game in August at The Most Beautiful Park in the majors.
• The AL is superior because there’s no fucking reason a pitcher should ever hit.
• Hip hop—Big, OutKast, Nas, Jay, Lox, Wu, Pac, Em, Dre. I’m sure I could go on. Point is I like that good shit. The onliest new shit I like is Kanye and Lupe, and I still can’t cosign to all their shit.
• Biggie over Pac—‘my slow flow remarkable’. Game over.
• It took me until age 21 to understand Nas. He never crossed over, brought the suburbs to the hood. I had to listen to that shit a couple times to understand
• Nas killed Jay with Ether.
• Classic Rock—Allmans, Stones, Zep. Just about anything from the 70’s. If I wasn’t born in 83, I’d like to have been a teenager in the mid 70’s.
• Martin Scorcese. ‘Nuff said.
• I love movies in general. I think I could watch anything if it’s well made. Don’t ask mi amor though, she’ll tell you I only like stupid comedies and gangster films.
• Will Ferrell isn’t that funny.
• Both teams played hard.
• If I’m not drinking Miller Lite, I got Gin , Vodka or Tequila in my cup.
• I’m smarter than everyone I know except Morty and Twe. But those two are fucking ridiculously smart.
• Chappelle, Williams, Carlin, Pryor, Rock, Hedberg, Miller. In that order.
  RIP Rich & Mitch.
• I have a nickname for my penis.
• By the way, I have no shame.
• The best concerts I’ve ever seen, in chronological order:
• Blues Traveler, Rosebud ‘94
• Grateful Dead, Three Rivers ‘96
• Metallica, Star Lake ‘99
• Busta Rhymes, tiny club in Boston ’03?
• Jay Z, MSG, ‘05
• I am the top five rappers of all time.

That’s what you’re getting for now. I’m sure the rest will reveal itself over the next however long you read this. ONE.