Regeneration X

So I’ve been trying to watch wrestling more lately. But whenever I get the notion, I realize I've had about 5 hours sleep, total, from the time I woke up Friday morning. So Monday night turns into ‘hey lemme relax a lil bit here…ZZZZZZZZ’.

Next thing I know it’s Tuesday morning and I managed to reset my alarm to 6AM while in my dazed stupor. So I’m late and allegedly well-rested. Blah Blah Blah. Generally I like to sit down and watch it on Mun2 Wednesday nights. This week US v Mexico trumped Raw so I have yet to see Monday’s broadcast.

I wanted to discuss is the Legacy-Triple H feud. I have been wondering what they were planning to do. With Legacy period. They keep installing Rando as a paper champion – something I have delved into, at great length and on numerous occasions – but they’ve yet to build the kids.

Well that all came to fruition when Hunter said he needed a little help in beating them. It seemed apparent where this was all heading as soon as Mr. Stephanie McMahon got on the mike. He said he wanted to restart one of his own factions. Evolution was out cuz Randy’s a jerk, Batista’s hurt (AGAIN) and Flair is signing autie’s.

So of course dialing up the old HeartBreak Kid was the cure for what ails he. His first attempt was futile. In a rather amazing bit of acting, Trips pretended to call HBK and kinda just repeats everything HBK would have said – if he was actually on the other end. I’ve not seen it yet, but Michaels did reappear this week and we’re heading towards SummerSlam with Legacy set to get a good ol’ fashioned ‘wubbah leggen’, as Dusty Rhodes might could say.

That got me to thinking. And not just about how neither HBK or the Undertaker has been seen since the last WrestleMania. But this would be the perfect way to set up HBK on his way out of the business. He’s retired once and it wasn’t exactly on his terms. This time around has got to be perfect for him.

He missed his shot to retire at WM25 in his home state. So I would say that WMXXVI in Glendale would be a great bet, no? Here you have the transcendent D-X going into what looks to be an innocuous match against some young upstarts. The kind of guys Shawn and Paul used to was when they were pups.

I’m not saying that DX will implode at SummerSlam. Just that this would be a good place to plant the seed. Something happens that doesn’t sit right. Remember these two have feuded before. Plus Shawn put Marty Jannetty through a giant mirror because Jannetty was ‘holding him back’. Personally I think the mullet was holding him back. Or maybe Miss Sherri. Take your pick.

My point is, who else is Shawn going to let retire him? Who else is there around to do it? Will he rise to the occasion for another Hogan-eqsue match against John You Can’t See-Na Me? Is another title bout with Orton going to warm your cuckolds next march?

No. My cuckolds shall remain cool. And dry. Much like a cucumber. Good comparison, actually…There are scant few people who could make Michaels look good in the ring right now. I think Jericho has the best shot at it. Hell, he made JBL seem as if he were still alive. (Sorry but I’m firmly entrenched in the ‘Jericho is the best in the business right now’ camp.)

But I can’t imagine that Shawn would get up for that match like it was a major deal. Those two have had very little interaction through the years. (I’m just spouting off the top of my head. And if I’m wrong – by all means let me know.) So while Jericho may be a good candidate technically, it’s likely not a good one psychologically.

That’s why it HAS to be Hunter. These two go back like a Jansport knapsack. The self-proclaimed Mr. WrestleMania will not allow himself and his BFF to have a bad match at the Super Bowl of sports entertainment. He’ll get up for that match in a way he hasn’t in a long time.

Then he’ll be able to ride off into the sunset…of being a commissioner for whom Legacy will wear silly masks in front of so guard from his spittle. And the circle shall be complete.

In the Dog House

Today marks the release of Michael Vick from federal custody. I am of the mindset that this is only the beginning of the Barnum and Bailey act. There seems to be much speculation as to his fate and future in the NFL and pro football in general. We’ll finish with the NFL but first…

I have to say I’m shocked that no one has brought up the CFL in conjunction with M-Dot-Vick’s name and future. Wider field, more open spaces, different rules – I think that could be a great stepping stone for him. He might could get the chance to show if he can in fact play quarterback at the professional level again.

His name has been tossed around as to the fledgling league down south. That might seem to be a great fit for him because he’ll be below the Mason Dixon line where he should be able to get support from his contemporaries. Plus, being such a small league it will for the most part fly under the radar.

I’m sure it’ll be the BnB show at first (see: Ramirez, Manny) but as time goes no one will pay attention to the PETA presence. Then they’ll hopefully disappear forever. Okay, maybe I’m just being too optimistic. The drawback to the new league is their pay structure. They have a set scale and Vick won’t get paid anywhere near what he was getting. If memory serves, he has a shitload of debt to repay. Another reason the CFL could be the better option.

Lastly is the NFL. That situation has the chance to redefine the term shitshow. Damn near everyone watches the NFL, and Vick will be under major scrutiny from many angles. The off the field stuff is certain to get silly. And the whole thing could be compounded if he sucks on it.

Speaking of on the field, I’m shocked consensus seems to be he can’t play again in the NFL. Hell, you had Ronnie brown lining up in shotgun for the Dolphins last year. Why can’t Vick run the Wildcat and be successful? The logical argument is how much of a step he has lost. If he comes back like Papi.09, he’ll never play again successfully.

But let’s say he comes back merely ‘very rusty’. He’s almost assured to need a year to put everything together. Get back to speed, get used to being hit, get used to making reads – who am I kidding he never got used to making reads in the first place. If he can pass that ‘probationary period’ – what, too soon? – he can be a moderately successful quarterback for a couple years.

The flip side is what I mentioned briefly before. He’s shot. He’s done. He got too yoked in prison then converted to Islam. He’ll come out and ask to be called Qyntel bin Al-Abaam and PETA will be the least of his problems, as all the white god-fearing citizens of Rock Ridge will hate him.

Granted all of the last 4 paragraphs are moot if Roger Goodell doesn’t let him back in the league already. Which I think could be a shame. If he shows up to his meeting with Goodell like Pacman – say he goes to the Meadowlands dog track the night before, then mysteriously 7 dogs are missing, 2 presumed dead – then I say fuck him, he deserves what he gets.

But if he goes in and says, ‘Commish, I’m sorry – this ish won’t happen again. I’m not keeping pace with those people anymore. I’m a family man now who wants to put his life back together to show my kids how to be a man.’ How could you keep him out? Why would you? America loves a redemption story. ‘Michael Vick – COME ON DOWN! You’re our next contestant on the Price is Your Life’. We’ll be right back on the Sports Reporters…

NBA Draft Conspiracies

Some of you may or may not know that I am a huge conspiracy theorist. I don’t live and die with it. I simply enjoy conjecture over what’s really going on. Something huge happen in the world? Let me hear what the alternative explanations are or could be. With that in mind, allow me to drop some knowledge. As always, I have no proof whatsoever, I’m just exercising my right to free speech.

The Minnesota Timberwolves selected 4 – count ‘em 4 – point guards in the draft Thursday night. I remember wondering what the hell they were doing when they took Johnny Flynn immediately after they drafted Ricky Rubio. Then they took Ty Lawson with the 18^th pick. And again they took Nick Calathes in the second round. Granted they traded Lawson during the draft, so they’re not burdened with too many guys at the one.

The morning after the draft, their GM explained their two lottery picks as such – you don’t take a complimentary guy with the 6^th pick just because, you have to get value for that high a pick. They feel Flynn is that dude. At the time, I thought it made sense. Later that same day, word leaked that Rubio doesn’t want to go to Minnesota and may stay in Espana for the foreseeable future.

Then I began to wonder the Wolves strategy. Number one I thought they were in great position because they could use Flynn right now then bring along Rubio next year or the year after. They’re covered and can figure out who to keep or who trade or even see if they can co-exist, though that didn’t work out so well did it Toronto?

Now I’m convinced this was a move made to save face. New management simply couldn’t pass up Rubio. He’s just too good. The fans would not buy the – we’re going with the best young talent to grow our franchise a la Portland – approach if they passed on him. So they took him with a strong notion that he’d never suit up for them.

All of which brings me to Johnny Flynn. Management can point to his season with the Orange and tell their fans, ‘we’re sorry the evil little boy from Espana wouldn’t come play with us, but we have a good alternative. Remember when he played over 50 minutes against UConn? He’ll give total effort for us!’ so they hedged their bets. They did exactly what they had to do. It was a great business decision for them.

They have kind of handcuffed themselves though. Because how do you get value for that Rubio selection? I put my money on the Knicks. Look at some of the recent big trades around the L. Shaq to Cleveland? Kerr and Ferry were teammates in San Antonio. Garnett to Boston? McHale and Ainge were teammates in Boston. Google the new Minnesota GM’s resume – I understand if you have to first Google the new Minnesota GM’s name – note that he worked for Donnie Walsh in Indiana.

You see how this is all coming together? I consider myself a smart man. I possess a simple engineering degree, but I still don’t fully understand the complexities of the NBA trade guidelines as it applies to drafted rookies. I don’t know exactly what would balance out Rubio’s salary.

Strictly from a talent standpoint, I’d think that Nate or Larry Hughes and someone like Joe Crawford might could fit the bill. I’m not saying that it’s fair to Minny, all I’m getting at is they traded both of their 2s and draft a shitload of 1s. So picking up Hughes could help on-court, though he’d be an off-court nightmare for a young team teetering on the brink. Ditto Nate.

I’m sure it won’t work out for a variety of reasons; money, talent, chemistry. So take it all with a grain of salt. But as a wholly biased knicks fan, I’m excited about the prospect of Ricky Rubio playing for Mike D’Antoni. More so than I am about Darko Milicic at least…

NBA Draft 2009

So my favorite sport has their draft tomorrow and I would be remiss if I didn’t weigh in with some insight and general thoughts. I’m not offering any of this up as fact. I have zero club house or front office sources. I’m merely throwing out some ideas and commenting on what happened or could be twenty four hours from now.

Admittedly I feel horrible for Blake Griffin. I admire him and his team for saying that they’re happy to go to LA. He’s happy to be part of a rebuilding phase. He can really put his stamp on the league if this team can turn it around. Bear in mind, he’s not going to the Lakers a year after Kobe blew out his Achilles and they stumbled ass backward into the number one pick and NCAA POY – a la San Antonio and Timmy D. he’s headed to the red, white and blue Los Angeles Clippers, whose most famous fan is Billy Crystal.

Is there any scenario under which he makes it through his first contract without a major knee or ankle injury? Maybe it’s a back injury and you can throw something at me three years from now. Regardless as to what it is, I’m skeptical that he can make it unscathed. I’m pulling for him because by all accounts he’s a great kid who busts his ass – as is much better than his older brother, like Malcolm. (Though when you’re measuring stick is a drunken wash-out, there’s not much to reach for.)

As far as rebuilding, it’s not like the cupboard is bare. Baron Davis, Al Thornton and their ’08 number one Eric Gordon. Marcus Camby and Chris Kaman are in the mix as of press time, but many pundits are sure one of them is moving – likely the former because there’s less of a market for the latter than Z-Bo. Ahhh, Zach Randolph…I’d move him and Ricky Davis before Griffin ever made it to the City of Angeles – like Cleveland did to Ricky before LeBron got there. But I can’t imagine anyone wanting either of them. Or that Mike Dunleavy would move either of them, because it would make too much sense. (Why did they get rid of Elgin when this was the alternative?)

Contrary to popular belief there are another 50 or selections in the draft. Everyone bemoans the talent – or lack thereof – this summer, but I beg to differ. There may not be ‘top tier’ talent, but I’m convinced there are more than a few role players. Picks 2 through 12 are horribly dreaded by the talking heads but I’m not so sure that’s the case.

The PGs are pretty strong and there’s a few solid back ups, with possible upgrade to someone who can grow into the position in the coming years. Ricky Rubio is more NBA-ready than anyone will admit and him falling to OKC is as sick as I can remember. I think he and Westbrook can play at the same time – Russ is bigger and a UCLA Ben Howland product, so he knows the right way to play.

I can’t wait for Thabeet to flop – I just believe it’s totally inevitable (Totes m’goats!) Tyreke Evans could be good, but he’s no Derrick Rose. I’m not sold on James Harden, but Steph Curry landing in Minny as well would be great for Jefferson. Minnesota is interesting, another conversation for this time actually…

I was speaking to Pops about them today and he remarked that he felt bad for the young guys landing there as they’ll never get more than one playoff run – like KG. I have to disagree with that on the ground of new management. I’m not saying it’s a certainty that they’ll be contending for the West every year starting in 2012. I’m saying that this is new management and if they are in a serious rebuilding plan, well kudos to them. They’ve now settled on a plan and can continue as such. I think if they actually follow through and tell fans (and players), we’re going to be young and there will be growing pains but these are the cards we’re playing the next half a decade, I’m happy for them.

It’s actually the plan that has begun to bear fruit in Portland. It seems to be the direction that OKC is heading in as well. A lot of good young talent who can grow together with little pressure on them, as everyone will label their struggles as ‘growing’ pains. Granted if we’re still having this conversation about Portland in 2 years and OKC in 4, it speaks to a much bigger problem.

This brings me to a great point that I heard today and will pass along, not as though it were my own but as an interesting nugget. Whereas OKC and Portland went young and intend to endure growth, Cleveland continuously goes older and tries to put chips around LeBron. This gets everyone thinking that the Cavs should be contending….NOW.

The reality is much grimmer in that the pieces in place might not ever be able to compete for a title. After hearing that, is Shaq really the answer for Danny Ferry? I’m not dumping on it because it does make sense on some level, but I wonder if LeBron will take a good hard look at the direction of the franchise and decide they do not know how to build a winner.

Consider the last two paragraphs one moot if they go out and get Hedo Turkoglu. Is there any other reason for him to opt out of his contract with Orlando this summer? Is there a shot in hell of Orlando sniffing the conference finals every spring? I think not. Cleveland will continue to be there, whether or not they get over the hump remains to be seen, Miami will be back in play because it’s South Beach, Dwyane Wade and there’s no state income tax in Florida, Boston has another year in them, Washington has poised themselves to return, Philly is only going to get better. Yet I digress…

Back to the draft. I’m not sold on Hill or Derozan. I’m only comfortable with Holliday because he’s a Howland guy AND how well Russell Westbrook fared in OKC last season. I think whoever ends up with Johnny Flynn will be happy. I’m not 100% that he’s ready to be the #1 #1 for a team, but he’s a good second unit point.

I’m going to rattle off a few names now and hope that the following makes sense…DeJuan Blair could excel in the right situation, IE I hope he falls to Chicago – I’d hate to see him relegated to Indiana for two reasons. 1 – I don’t think the future there is as bright as other late lottery teams. 2 – I don’t want to have to like the fucking Pacers. Ty Lawson is a crapshoot, if he came in and needed two years to grow or was able to run a team right now, neither would surprise me.

This is the part of the draft where past performance comes into play. Tyler Hansbrough and Sam Young are intriguing because they’re two full term guys. I’m not comparing Sam to an NCAA POY, but Sam is league ready. He can play this fall. I was never sold on Furious T, I thought he was undersized and under-athleticized for the L. He measured out to 6’ 8.5” in his feet and was impressive at the combine. Add those bullshit numbers to what he did on the court the last four years and I begrudgingly admit he could make a good pro. I don’t think he’ll ever be Tim Duncan. But he can be a more than serviceable big with an ASG weekend or two under his belt by the time he retires.

That’s all I have to say about the mid to late first round without this running 5,000 words. But I would like to weigh in on some other trade prospects. You may – or may not – have heard that the C’s were trying to deal Rajon Rondo. On the surface that seems insane and could only hurt team chemistry. Apparently behind the scenes he’s more of a dick than has been let on. Ray Ray is going to command a little more salary from the Cs that I don’t think they want to pay, but he’s why they got as far as they did this spring.

Tracy McGrady has been rumored to be on the block as well. I say good riddance to bad rubbish. I take back every nice thing I ever said about that mother fucker after what he did this February. In fact I can’t say enough bad things about him, except to just call him a cunt. That Houston team was better off without him. Though, another Yao foot injury does not bode well. I can’t wait for him to have a Walton-in-Boston turn for Miami with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh in 2013.

There is rumor that Minny is going to try and package the 5 and 18 to move up, maybe to 2. Memphis has apparently shot that down because Chris Wallace is gun shy after the Gasol trade. (Poor guy has a terrible owner and is told what to do and he’ll have that black mark on his resume for the rest of his career. I hope he goes the Charlie Casserly route on ESPN and says, ‘I never wanted to make that trade, I was forced into it as a salary dump. We actually had a better offer on the table from [not the goddamnmotherfucking Lakers!].’) OKC seems happy to stay put at 3 and take Rubio – if they pass on him it better for a good reason, like Ricardo has an advanced case of degenerative syphilis and he’s quietly going mad from mackin’ snitches on the Mediterranean but no one has brought it to light.

Wow – I hope you’re happy with over 1700 words on tomorrow night’s draft and some other potential summer moves in the NBA. I apologize for my lack of brevity, but as I outlined earlier, there is nothing other than baseball on my sports plate right now. And that is probably the worst case scenario for me. Until the NL approves the DH, that is. Maybe that should be my next posting…

Tiger Hatin'

You can get your torches and pitchforks ready. You can start throwing hideous verbiage in my direction. But please don’t totally hate me. I’m not making any accusations. I’m just asking questions. Questions I haven’t heard anyone ask, but everyone seems to have a potential – if unspoken – answer to.

You may – or may not – have heard of Rocco Mediate. He’s the guy who last year took an allegedly one-legged Tiger Woods to the brink before falling on the 91^st playoff hole at last year’s US Open. He became America’s darling in triumphant defeat. He stood up to the man who is The Man and almost beat him.

I say allegedly for all the wrong reasons and for the purposes of the thoughts and opinions contained herein. Tiger is huge – go to forbes.com and check the list for richest athletes if you don’t believe me. But for every hater, we have to ask another unfortunate question. Is the ‘hate’ because you want to root for the underdog (see: Rudy, Texas Western and Hoosiers [okay, bad example])? Or are you actually hating on Tiger?

I’m not going to compare golf to NASCAR (I’m surprised they don’t have whitewall tires…). But does Hootie really want a guy who looks like the help to be his champion when he opposes women joining his club? And I only bring this up because it seems to be the underlying reasoning for anyone I know who ‘hates’ on Eldrick. For the record, they’re all white people too. (Though admittedly, I don’t talk golf with black people. Usually NBA or NFL. Like I said people, torches and pitchforks.)

There is one particularly poignant moment about this year’s US Open Media coverage. They’ve given press to a letter that Rocco received in the mail last year. In short, John Ray, from Texas, lost his daughter – the baby of the family – the day before her HS graduation. This guy claims to not be a golf fan but found himself watching last year’s Open in the time following the funeral. He ‘became captivated’ and was ‘pulling for’ Rocco, even though he’d never heard of the Greensburg native (SWPa in the House! Wu-Wu!).

Here’s where I don my top hat and cynical handlebar mustache. Was Johnny Boy really captivated by Rocco’s demeanor and how he dealt with the loss? Or was he drawn in by some subconscious want to see the evil Tiger Woods lose? The man who stands for progress like never before. I’d like to finish by apologizing to Mr. Ray. Perhaps your motives were pure. I’m merely asking a question I haven’t heard anyone else ask. Probably for good reason.

Summer

We’ve officially entered the doldrums. The lull in the sports calendar. We’re some 6+ weeks away from NFL training camps opening. (We must be, there are rumors of a Brett Favre un-retirement.) The winter sports just wrapped their championship series, so they won’t be back anytime soon. What the hell am I going to think/write about???

I have to admit my complete disappointment in the Orlando Magic. I’m not going to call SVG the Master of Panic. I don’t blame him for their loss – minus the tampering of the lineup with Jameer Nelson. D-Ho didn’t make an appearance, with the possible exception of game 3. There was a lot that went wrong for the East Champs. Coach Jeremy was not the main issue.

I remember having conversations going back to March about the Cavs can’t beat the Magic who can’t beat the Lakers who can’t beat the C’s who can’t beat the Cavs. Amazing how it all worked out. Orlando beat Cleveland and Boston, but couldn’t handle LA. Basketball as they say is all about the matchups. This series totally was. And I have to admit I’m surprised that Pau Gasol performed as well as he did. Though it’s not like he had to go against anyone who showed any heart or gumption.

Now Hedo is about to exercise his opt-out clause. Am I the onliest one who thinks this is him going to Cleveland to Scottie to Bron’s Mike? It seems like a logical landing place for him. Bron needs what he does. He needs someone who he can trust explicitly when he utilizes the ‘penetrate and pitch’ offensive strategy. I for one wouldn’t blame the Turkish Michael Jordan in leaving Orlando for Cleveland.

Now that I got the horse puckey out of the way (can you tell that I’m highly upset with how the NBA season ended?) I gotta talk about the Stanley Cup Finals. Admittedly, I didn’t watch any hockey til the Eastern Conference finals. But I’m glad I got into it when I did.

Watching the ‘Guins in the finals was a thing of beauty. Watching a young squad learn how to win on the fly was amazing. The 5-0 loss was excruciating. Flower was damn near awful in that game. But he had a lot of help from a pitiful defensive unit.

It was an odd series. The back-to-back games to start really put the Pens behind the 8 ball. I said from jump (though not in writing and I’m not 100% sure anyone else was in the room) that whoever won game 1 was going to take a lot of moe into game 2 and likely go up 2-0. Sadly I was right and the hometown boys traveled back to the 412 half way to elimination.

Once at that point, Pops declared the goal to be simply getting to a game 7. It would be a definite long shot but it’s one game. The other 6 + 15 + 82 wouldn’t fucking matter. Just 60 minutes to skate your ass off and take the cup home. And that’s what the black-n-gold kids did.

Lord Stanley’s Cup is the best prize in sports. Watching the players celebrate with it. the ritual of taking the lap with it. passing it around the team throughout the summer. Everything that comes with the team’s winning of the cup. It’s better than all the other major sports and any every-4-years competition. I wish I was more a hockey fan. But I’m not for the same reasons that everyone hates my favorite league, the NBA. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to take the bandwagon for a wash, wax and tune up. ya know, on the off chance the Buccos get inspired this July and make a Rocktober-ish run. More likely, it’s going to sit until next May and the Pens next deep playoff run.

NBA Finals Preview

I get the sneaking suspicion that David Stern has been violently ill for the last 12+ hours.  Could you imagine anyone else’s world falling apart so fast?  For a minute it looked like Denver was going to take LA to the brink, but no luck.  Cleveland came out like world beaters for two quarters, then Orl took the first, almost got the second if not for a last second Glory Be, Our Father and Act of Contrition all rolled into one.  Then Orlando did work at home and it was a wreezy.

I thought for sure that Lt. Stern was going to have the fix in for game 6, but the game was in Orlando and his fixing refs only seem to be good at making sure home teams win.  So it was ultimately a lose-lose situation for him.

How did everyone forget so quickly that in January we were discussing who’s the best – Cle, Bos or Orl?  I guess Jameer going down with the torn labrum, being replaced by the supremely talented if untested Skip, was the turning point.  How do you bounce back from losing an All Star caliber point guard down the stretch?

Everyone seemed to be right at first when Orlando wrapped April at 4-5.  Then they went and surrendered home court to a frisky yet overmatched Sixers team.  They stormed back to win convincingly, check the scores for games 5 and 6. 

Next they went into Boston and stole game one.  Go look at that box score.  They went from 30s with 7 left in the half to 54-36 at the half.  Then the series proceeded to oscillate who was up and who was down with no real indication that either home team had a dominant edge.

Finally they land in Cleveland to play the giant juggernaut led by THE monarch.  The uncrowned king coming to claim his throne.  Already bestowed upon by the Evil Emperor as the unmatched supreme talent, the world was his to conquer.  Only, no one bothered to tell D-Ho and the Magic Kingdom soldiers.  Cleveland swept through their first two series, the smallest margin of victory 10 points, coming in the final win over Atlanta.

The Cavs were seemingly untested.  They won when they had to but they were never under pressure.  Not like being on the other side of Orlando’s run in game one.  Cleveland was so very dominant from the beginning of that game but they had no clue how to weather the storm when the time came.  So they wilted.  And they ultimately lost.

So David Stern has his worst case scenario.  He has a finals with no King.  I’m sure Kobe will be a draw.  Ditto D-Ho.  But who is the ‘average fan’ going to tune in to see?  As one of the 20 remaining NBA fans, y’know people who actually like maybe prefer the brand of basketball the L has to offer, I certainly don’t give a shit about the average fan.

I was wholly looking forward to Bronnie V Kobe.  But I’m interested to see how these two teams match up.  I wonder if Orlando has anyone – ANYONE – to man up Kobe.  At the same time, I wonder if LA has anyone to match up with Dwight.  Are you gonna stick Gasol on him?  Pau is a biggity bitch.  I think my little sister could push him off the block.  I guess Bynum is the logical choice.  It’s either him or Lamar Odom.  I guess if you want to win an NBA title in this day and edge, Lamar Odom is the type of guy who you need to have a big series.

I don’t know what I’m getting at.  We are heading for one of the lowly anticipated series in Finals history since San Antone played the Nets.  And it’s a crock of shit.  Basketball, more than any other sport is about match ups.  And there are some good ones here.  How does SVG gameplan for Kobe?  Guard him, double him, triple him, make the rest of the Lake Show beat you.  I’ll take my chances that Fisher, Farmar, Vujacic or LO need to do work for 7 games and attack the shit out of Kobe.  

Remember, this is a 31 y.o Kobe, 12 seasons, 1118 games, over 41K minutes, plus last season’s Olympics.  Granted, Kobe Bean Bryant is certainly not the roll over and die type.  All I mean to say is, he fought so hard in the post-Diesel days to win, what is left in the tank?  Orlando has already defeated one superstar with a solid-at-best supporting cast.  Can they beat another?

Kiss the Rings Bitch!

So I’ve finally made the change over to the NHL playoffs.  Don’t applaud me too loudly.  It took the Pittsburgh Penguins to make the final four of the league for me to give a shit.  And I’ll defend myself thusly. 

Playoff hockey is a grand departure from the first 6 months of the season.  Allow me to elaborate.  The regular season doesn’t matter.  Case in point, the San Jose Sharks won the Presidents’ Trophy for having the best record in the regular season, finishing 53-18.  They then lost 4 of 6 games to a 42-33 team. 

Since the lockout ended, two of the last four Presidents’ Trophy winners have lost in the first round.  The NBA had the team with the best record in the league lose in 2007.  Before that you have to go back to the ’94 playoffs to see the best team in the league lose in the first round.  How is that fucking possible?  Because playoff hockey greatly differs from regular season hockey.

I had an opinion here for what type of hockey wins in playoffs versus what wins in the regular season.  But I don’t have a clue about anything hockey related other than the following:  1) Hockey players smell ~ maybe not them but their equipment.  B) I’ll not watch a sport where the regular season is so goddamn meaningless (see: MLB).  Purple) Mario Lemieux is the greatest hockey player not named Gordie Howe and Wayne Gretzky was a whiny little punk bitch.

As I was saying however – wait, I had a point? – I’m enjoying hockey more thus far than the NBA playoffs, which I’ve watched in their entirety.  I love the openness of the NHL playoffs.  Guys are getting chippy, knees are getting knocked and sometimes fists are needed in order to settle a beef.  In the NBA playoffs, guys get suspended for getting off the bench to see if their teammate is hurt in a scuffle.

I know we, as fans, are still dealing with the fallout of the Malice in the Palace.  I doubt we’ll ever get back to the way the game was played in the 80s.  Do the refs really need to throw that X up over their heads for a flagrant on every good hard play?  Does David Stern really expect to see teams allowing guys open, uncontested layups? 

What is the fundamental difference between the two games that we have one sport that allows the men to sort it out on the ice within reason and another that polices the proceedings like a prison yard?  I’m going to make another list and there are three things on it.  A) The NHL has boards and glass that separate the action from the fans.  2) Hockey players wear pads and there seems to be the unwritten law that you must strip before fighting.  (Time spent removing garters makes it so hard to fight like a man)  Elephant) Hockey players are white and basketball players are black.

Yea, I’m going there.  I’m going to devolve this to a race issue.  My president is black and so is my favorite basketball player.  Look at the 80s.  Still no glass.  Still no pads.  But half the guys on the court were white.  Do you think for a second that K-Mart gets away with the McHale clothesline?  Survey says ~ show me potato salad!

I have no substantive evidence of this other than liking to rile the masses.  I still think David Stern is the best commissioner of the four major sports and hockey (golf has moved up now that Tiger’s back).  But the man has serious issues with his referees.  It’s to the point that it’s ruining the totality of the product.  There are too many shaky and questionable calls for the intent fan to ignore.  Let’s get more young men and women calling these games.  Leave the old white men to keep the book.  Dick Bavetta lost a footrace to Charles Barkley in 2007.  The defense rests…

WWE Thoughts

It feels like I haven’t written about wrestling in forever.  It might just be my imagination.  I have a lot to cover to please bear with me as I sort through all my thoughts.  I’ll try to make them coherent.

First I have to complain – possibly again – about the booking of Randy Orton.  Is it really necessary to make him such a weak champion?  They haven’t done him the favor of having him pin the current champion, center of the ring, without fighting multiple matches that night.  They haven’t let him beat a strong competitor fairly.

Judgment Day was more of the same, apparently.  Randy got himself disqualified after Batista began to mount a bit of offense.  I guess I’m just conflicted by the whole thing.  I do understand booking and how to position these guys.  I remember for years when I was younger hating Triple H.  Now he’s one of my favorites. 

I think we’ve seen all these guys go through their petulant youth.  Then they grow into the face of the company role.  Unless your name is John Cena.  Come to think of it, Hunter and HBK might be the only guys to go through that petulant youth.  Then again, how many guys are tabbed as the future of the business? 

I suppose this just falls into the category of with no competition the WWE doesn’t have to push the envelope.  So they can sit back and plot the same things over and over because they know it works.  It sucks for the smarks but it is what it is, I guess.

I just saw a commercial for the upcoming WrestleMania DVD.  I couldn’t have been more underwhelmed with a 25^th anniversary.  It just didn’t play out well and I think it gets back to what I said in the last paragraph.  Every match seemed to run so slow.  I found myself wondering why everything flowed like a Hulk Hogan match. 

The only match that had a flow to fit its combatants was HBK-Taker.  I totally understood why those two were fighting at that pace.  They’re about 50 years old.  But the MITB has devolved into a spotfest and the flow is very disjointed.  The Hardy Bros match was similar.  I just couldn’t say enough bad things about the entire card. 

Now they want me to drop dough on the dvd.  Which I’d consider if only for the WWE HoF material.  But if I didn’t get last year’s with the Ric Flair stuff, why would I get this year’s?  Because it features The Rock.  You people don’t know me well enough…

This is His Legend

If you haven’t seen I Am Legend, skip this post.  I won’t give away too much but I’ll be talking about some of the details from the film.  Consider yourself warned….

So I finally got to watch I Am Legend today.  I hear you now.  That flick’s from 2007.  What’s your fucking problem asshole?  Have you been under a rock the last couple years?  Take your penis out of the penny tray.  (My apologies to the good people at the liquor store, it was a metaphor for how I felt about the price of the champagne.)

As I started saying, I got to watch a Will Smith movie from two years ago.  I was highly impressed with it.  I knew I would be after hearing things about it.  and amazingly enough, I was able to stay away from a given away ending.  I knew some things about it.  but I iddn’t know exactly how it ended.

I don’t quite know how to feel about the film.  I had no clue what the genesis of the infection was.  I was amazed by the simple plot.  Woman.  Cures.  Cancer.  I mean how many people WOULDN’T be on board for that one?

Could you imagine keeping this secret from the general public?  I thought of the inherent flaws in a system where you administer an inoculation that works then pass it off to the general public.  I want to say the FDA has something of a waiting period from drug testing to mass distribution.

But could you possibly keep this away from cancer patients?  How many cancer patients are given a death sentence?  Hell if you have a death sentence already, why wouldn’t you take a swing for the fences?  It’s such a simple plot device.  I absolutely loved it.  Everyone and their mother’s third cousin from Tennessee would be wholly on board for beating cancer.

It was also great to see Will Smith doing his best Tom Hanks.  I gotta give more credit to Hanks however.  Hanks was working with a volleyball (VOIT!!!!!!) whereas Smith at least had a dog.  It might not be able to communicate with him fully, but it is alive.  The scene with Sam in the lab was amazing.  The pain in his eyes.  Then of course he sets up the infected at the Pier.

The woman and her son was a nice touch.  I think I would have reacted the same to dealing with people again.  I loved the line about saving the bacon.  As if that made his spazzing out acceptable.  It was also cool seeing NYC without anyone in it.  The overgrowth and everything there.  It was quite the unique world.  I’m interested to know how they did it.  I assume it was all green screen, because how could you possibly have that much empty space in the city?

I’ll do my best to not give away the ending.  But it definitely left an impression.  I was jumpy for the first hour or so after watching it.  I hope I can sleep tonight, NOT in the bathtub.  I was definitely affected by it.  I think that’s the most I can say about any piece of art.

Re: The Bacon-Pancake Debates

After reading Pancake’s interview answers, I felt the need to respond in kind.  I’m going to go down in order of the questions he originally asked. 

1 – I can’t believe you fucking picked Alexander Ovechkin.  This kid is my sworn mortal enemy.  And you pick him to roll with.  The only thing that would be worse is if you picked Eric Lindros.  I can’t say enough bad things about this little cunt.  I’m moving on.

2 – Again, I’m flabbergasted.  I can’t believe you picked Hypnotized.  That’s my least favorite Biggie song.  Do know he hated that record?  I know the significance of it, with the funeral and all.  But I’m not a fan.  I mean, of ALL the Biggie songs you could pick.  Why this one?

3 – Yea, I can’t argue with this pick.  As a Pittsburgher I was born and bred to hate WVU. It’s basically the safety school for everyone who can’t get into LaRoche, Point Park, Allegheny, PSU, Pitt or Duquesne.  And I had to leave that St John’s team off cuz they didn’t win much of anything.  I was going for championship teams with my selections.  And they all were until that Cincy team, but that’s only because K-Mart got hurt in the conference tourney.  I think that’s why I didn’t pick the Fab Five squad.  That and that they lost to UNC.  And none of them had any significant careers in the L, other than to be known as chokers.

4 – Another great pick on your part.  Alas, as someone without a regular job, this would not be as totally relevant to what it is that I do.  So I couldn’t go for it. 

5 – C’mon.  ‘I Know What Girls Like’ is a terrible record along with most of the other ones on that album.  It’s so fucking weak.  Volume 3 is a better album than Volume 1.  It’s a sleeper album.  It’s a darker Hov, the Outro record, the Dame Dash dance.  I’m moving on again…

6 – I’m kinda shocked that you think Rachel McAdams and Gabby Union are first round picks.  I don’t see them enough in the public conscience enough to garner first day status.  How do you think LiLo falls to day 2?  I think her insanity moves her to Day 1.  Who doesn’t love a crazy big titted woman?  Ditto Kelly Clarkson.  That bitch sells how many fucking records.  It’s a white bitch from American Idol that I’VE heard of.  What does that tell you about her status?  I do love Rachel Nichols too.  Though I’m concerned about that nose in person.  But she definitely is a late round pick.  And good call on Sue Bird.  I’ve had a crush on her since she was in school.  Did I ever tell you I sat 10’ from her after she graduated?  I took my sister to Swin Cash’s day camp and Sue Bird and Tamika Williams were in attendance.  She was so fucking cute.  I didn’t have the balls to talk to her though.  I’m such a biggity bitch.

7 – If you wanted me to base it on rappers, why didn’t you fucking say so?  Besides, other than Big, what other rapper ever referenced KoNY?  Maybe if you were sober for more than 8 hours a day this would have been clear to me.

8 – That’s not an occupation so much as a death sentence.  I declare shenaniganz on you.  I don’t think you fully answered this question. Meanwhile, I declare my intentions to make and distribute adult films.  Get on the ball, Pancake.  I think I’ll make a movie with that title….

9 – That’s so great.  I love that we allow the dumbest things to keep us from women.  I have to say, back in the day my biggest joy was when someone would bring around a girl.  After she left I’d immediately note her big nose, lazy eye, crooked tooth, etc.  And the ‘relationship’ would be over almost immediately.  I loved ruining bitches for you guys.

10 – Dude, such a good weekend.  I had a glorious time.  It was totally ridiculous the whole way around.  You in the suit.  Me in the fedora and Wu Tang shirt.  All while telling people I was a doctor and you were my professor.  And I still maintain that she was incorrectly describing nanotechnology.  I was playing to the top of my intelligence.  You just suck.