Sarah 'I'm only here because the GOP wants the Hillary Rodham votes' Palin has been travelling the country side dropping the ceremonial puck at various NHL venues. Her latest was at a St Louis - LA game. Being of the noble class, she and her family automatically get things the rest of us don't. For instance, they rolled out a red carpet for het from the bench to the ice so she wouldn't fall. Nevermind the fact that Ms. IOHBTGOPWTHRV is from fucking Alaska and talks like Martin Short and Dave Thomas [NOT the burger guy] on SCTV.
So with the carpet down, the St. Louis Blues take the ice. On their way through the tunnel, the players are warned that there is a carpet down. That doesn't preclude the goalie stepping awkwardly from stepping on the end, causing it to slide and him to bust his ass. Manny Legace is fresh off an All Star season and looking for the Blues to make the leap - and by leap I mean get out the basement and at least START walking up the stairs. Manolo said he felt a tweak and hoped it'd be temporary. After giving up 2 goals on 12 shots in the first period, ManLegend pulls himself and ends up with a hip injury. His reaction, "She's been pretty good for our game, eh. I'm starting to like her more and more. No grudge, eh." [Ed's. Note: Dylan may or may not have added the eh's.] I don't even know how to feel about that reaction. I did feel the need though to delve into potential reactions from other athletes around the sporting world.
Generic NBA - Did you know n!&&@s is playin' hockey now? That's some fucked up shit. I guess they might be smartest though cuz the audience is predominately white. Easier access to white bitches. Good call, yo...
Stephen Jackson (GSW not SLR)- Kraka ass kraka gettin me hurt and shit...That bitch does it again, I'ma go JO on her ass. Dap that bitch up on my way down coz...
Generic NFL - How do you expect me to feel pain when I'm so many uppers, pain killers and muscle relaxers that Heath Ledger is jealous???
Shawne Merriman - AHHHHHHHHHHHH! LIGHTS OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tiger Woods - He left the game because of a hip tweak? I won the US Open with a torn ACL. Hockey is a sport only sissies would engage in...What's that? ... I recommend your 1-Iron for this drive. Aim slightly to the left and play the uphill side of that bunker 300 yards away on a dogleg.
Generic MLB - No hablo ingles...
Dusty Baker - The lighter skinneded guys like the colder weather better...
Having said all that, it's time to wrap this shit up. I hope everyone was thoroughly offended/entertained. I'm hoping to check back in the next two weeks with a political joint. I promise to break it down Dr. Jack-style. And if you didn't see the eventual barb at the dead guy, you don't know me well enough.
PS - sticking with the theme of the deceased; if you EVER think there's a chance where I won't up a hero of mines via recycling or flippin , you must be new here. RIP HST...
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Funeral for a friend
I looked up this morning and noted that there was an old friend who had been neglecting me. Once, we had a special relationship - no not like that. But this was someone who I could always count on. Going back to our college days he was there for me. Even if I only saw him on some Saturdays or the occasional Thursday night out. It always made me feel better being around him for those scant few hours. Then we'd retreat our separate ways.
Then college ended and we started seeing less of each other. I didn't like the people he was running with. Though - they seemed successful so I didn't interfere and mess up his future with a great organization like that. Then there was some scanalous behavior and this friend came through the other side unscathed. His boss wasn't so lucky, but still they pressed on and were doing great until recently.
They started with some turbulence earlier this year, things leveled off for him, then tragedy struck right before the stock market started its wild fluctuations. I stuck with him through it all, but I just can't do it anymore. It's hurting me personally to see him stuck in this situation. Management was in a position to utilize him to maximum potential, yet they continue to defer to the old system and the office head case. I just KNOW after this fall's events that it's nearly time for the head case to regress and cause tension for everyone there. I just can't watch it. I can't take it anymore.
So this morning, I quietly cut ties with him. As I did so, I couldn't help but think of all the good times. All the times, we hung out and he made me laugh. He mainly made others look stupid though sometimes he bit it hard, but it was always entertaining for me. I thought about his chain and how it used to make me and Barnes LOL, ROFL and LLWHLSWWLG. We used to sit there, everytime we were out and saw him. Or whenever his name came up in conversation - which it did frequently during the good times. Right out loud. Right in the middle of the bar or whever we were at the time - KOOL-AID!
I dropped Laurence Maroney this morning from all THREE of my fantasy teams. It felt like a little piece of me just died inside. But it had to be done. He had 8 points in two and 3 in the other. Not last week, but for the entire season. Ugh. Well I'll always be there for ya kid. I'll always look on and root for ya. Even though you play for the evil Darth SonyHD, I'll always pull for you to have a good day. But I just can't take it anymore. OH NO!
PS - LLWHLSWWLG = Laughed Like We Haven't Laughed Since We Were Little Girls....
Then college ended and we started seeing less of each other. I didn't like the people he was running with. Though - they seemed successful so I didn't interfere and mess up his future with a great organization like that. Then there was some scanalous behavior and this friend came through the other side unscathed. His boss wasn't so lucky, but still they pressed on and were doing great until recently.
They started with some turbulence earlier this year, things leveled off for him, then tragedy struck right before the stock market started its wild fluctuations. I stuck with him through it all, but I just can't do it anymore. It's hurting me personally to see him stuck in this situation. Management was in a position to utilize him to maximum potential, yet they continue to defer to the old system and the office head case. I just KNOW after this fall's events that it's nearly time for the head case to regress and cause tension for everyone there. I just can't watch it. I can't take it anymore.
So this morning, I quietly cut ties with him. As I did so, I couldn't help but think of all the good times. All the times, we hung out and he made me laugh. He mainly made others look stupid though sometimes he bit it hard, but it was always entertaining for me. I thought about his chain and how it used to make me and Barnes LOL, ROFL and LLWHLSWWLG. We used to sit there, everytime we were out and saw him. Or whenever his name came up in conversation - which it did frequently during the good times. Right out loud. Right in the middle of the bar or whever we were at the time - KOOL-AID!
I dropped Laurence Maroney this morning from all THREE of my fantasy teams. It felt like a little piece of me just died inside. But it had to be done. He had 8 points in two and 3 in the other. Not last week, but for the entire season. Ugh. Well I'll always be there for ya kid. I'll always look on and root for ya. Even though you play for the evil Darth SonyHD, I'll always pull for you to have a good day. But I just can't take it anymore. OH NO!
PS - LLWHLSWWLG = Laughed Like We Haven't Laughed Since We Were Little Girls....
Monday, October 13, 2008
NBA 09
No not the cock diesel Tony Longoria version...but the NBA season is fast approaching and I felt the need to get back in the swing of things by throwing down with hoops in this here corner of the interweb. I’ve compiled a few random thoughts broken down by division as I see fit. And I’m anxiously awaiting the Barney preview as I’m sure are all of you. So without further ado…
Atlantic
NYK – A fast break coach with scant few fast break guys. I’m hoping Duhon can put it together and run the system. I’m not hoping to see either Curry or Z-Bo have a nipple slip while in ‘transition’.
Bos – I’m not convinced the old men will last another hundo. Employee number 34 will continue to be the best player on the court most any time he suits up and the Ticket will do his thing because he plays like a child. A child who makes over a Hun Mill, but a child nonetheless…Ray Ray won’t last. Too many miles. Congrats on your rings.
Philly – EB42? I like. I’ma wait to see how it all plays out with him and AI Jr.
Central
Cle – Two years away from Bronnie going to Russia until Jay has the Nets established in BK.
Det – Has that window closed yet? Doubtful. But is it really open? No, but the Central is weak outside of the James Gang.
Ind – Dealt JO but held on to Austin Croshere? Then added Roy Hibbert. NEXT!
Chi – Vinnie Del Negro? I hope Scotty Skiles and Bucks outpace Reinsdorf’s Rubes.
Southeast
MIA – After watching Mr. Falldownseventimesgetupeight in international play this summer, I’m intrigued to see what they can do on south beach with the Matrix and the Beeze. And I’ll be buying my tickets for the Dec 28th Mia @ Cle game as soon as they come available to the public.
Was – are they really starting the season with injuries? They didn’t even wait for Halloween to come and go. Well, at least they still have DeShawn Stevenson…
Orl – Superman and the Justice League should make a leap this year. SHOULD. We’ll see if they can put it together under SVG. (He really should come out and do Rob Van Dam’s old entrance, including the spinning heel kick at center court then everyone pauses and screams S! V! G! – I love the VanGundy’s)
Northwest
Den – do you think this will be the year AI + Melo put it together? Yea, me neither. Good job giving up that interior D in one move. At least they have the Birdman + my boy Kenyon. Though I am glad to see Smush still in the L…
Por – Dr. Oden, DDS will finally suit up. here’s to hoping he doesn’t replicate the first few years of Z’s career. But I am excited to see if their young’ns can build off last year. I think they’re good for 50 this year.
OKC – I’ve never rooted for a budding star to wreck his knee but Clay Bandit deserves it.
Southwest
NO – has an uphill climb with the Texas Trilogy in division.
SAS – I’ma put ‘em on ice cuz of Manu’s ankle and the sheer number of games they’ve played over the past 3, 5, hell 10 years. David Robinson is still fucking tired…no he’s not, who am I kidding, that dude is in better shape than Jesus and he doesn’t have to stop and talk to all those needy mother fuckers…
Hou – RonRon is the integral piece of a team that is trying to get over the hump and win a playoff series. I predict at some point the Tru Warier will slap TMac’s eye straight. Further more, I predict that Yao will not play an entire season. AGAIN.
Dal – Not 50. Scrape for 45. No post season.
Mem – Ladies and gentlemen, your 2010-2011 Seattle Supersonics. Welcome to Key Arena!
Pacific
LAL – Pissed off Kobe still can’t win the big one alone. Pau is not the savior in the West. How my ass taste?
PHX – See Dal. Then replace 45 with 40. Apparently not so good…
GS – See Phx. Then replace 40 with 35.
LAC – I’d say see GS then replace 35 with 30 after EB42 bizzounced, but BD makes them interesting. And maybe they can salvage Shaun Livingston’s career. Then again maybe the fighting will cease in Jerusalem…
Atlantic
NYK – A fast break coach with scant few fast break guys. I’m hoping Duhon can put it together and run the system. I’m not hoping to see either Curry or Z-Bo have a nipple slip while in ‘transition’.
Bos – I’m not convinced the old men will last another hundo. Employee number 34 will continue to be the best player on the court most any time he suits up and the Ticket will do his thing because he plays like a child. A child who makes over a Hun Mill, but a child nonetheless…Ray Ray won’t last. Too many miles. Congrats on your rings.
Philly – EB42? I like. I’ma wait to see how it all plays out with him and AI Jr.
Central
Cle – Two years away from Bronnie going to Russia until Jay has the Nets established in BK.
Det – Has that window closed yet? Doubtful. But is it really open? No, but the Central is weak outside of the James Gang.
Ind – Dealt JO but held on to Austin Croshere? Then added Roy Hibbert. NEXT!
Chi – Vinnie Del Negro? I hope Scotty Skiles and Bucks outpace Reinsdorf’s Rubes.
Southeast
MIA – After watching Mr. Falldownseventimesgetupeight in international play this summer, I’m intrigued to see what they can do on south beach with the Matrix and the Beeze. And I’ll be buying my tickets for the Dec 28th Mia @ Cle game as soon as they come available to the public.
Was – are they really starting the season with injuries? They didn’t even wait for Halloween to come and go. Well, at least they still have DeShawn Stevenson…
Orl – Superman and the Justice League should make a leap this year. SHOULD. We’ll see if they can put it together under SVG. (He really should come out and do Rob Van Dam’s old entrance, including the spinning heel kick at center court then everyone pauses and screams S! V! G! – I love the VanGundy’s)
Northwest
Den – do you think this will be the year AI + Melo put it together? Yea, me neither. Good job giving up that interior D in one move. At least they have the Birdman + my boy Kenyon. Though I am glad to see Smush still in the L…
Por – Dr. Oden, DDS will finally suit up. here’s to hoping he doesn’t replicate the first few years of Z’s career. But I am excited to see if their young’ns can build off last year. I think they’re good for 50 this year.
OKC – I’ve never rooted for a budding star to wreck his knee but Clay Bandit deserves it.
Southwest
NO – has an uphill climb with the Texas Trilogy in division.
SAS – I’ma put ‘em on ice cuz of Manu’s ankle and the sheer number of games they’ve played over the past 3, 5, hell 10 years. David Robinson is still fucking tired…no he’s not, who am I kidding, that dude is in better shape than Jesus and he doesn’t have to stop and talk to all those needy mother fuckers…
Hou – RonRon is the integral piece of a team that is trying to get over the hump and win a playoff series. I predict at some point the Tru Warier will slap TMac’s eye straight. Further more, I predict that Yao will not play an entire season. AGAIN.
Dal – Not 50. Scrape for 45. No post season.
Mem – Ladies and gentlemen, your 2010-2011 Seattle Supersonics. Welcome to Key Arena!
Pacific
LAL – Pissed off Kobe still can’t win the big one alone. Pau is not the savior in the West. How my ass taste?
PHX – See Dal. Then replace 45 with 40. Apparently not so good…
GS – See Phx. Then replace 40 with 35.
LAC – I’d say see GS then replace 35 with 30 after EB42 bizzounced, but BD makes them interesting. And maybe they can salvage Shaun Livingston’s career. Then again maybe the fighting will cease in Jerusalem…
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
The Best Birth Control
I got this from an O/C alum. Glad to see I'm gone but not forgotten...
http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=271
That'll make sense most to someone who saw one of the old O/C shows. You forget I was once on a T-Shirt and a poster. But I was - Oh, I was...
http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=271
That'll make sense most to someone who saw one of the old O/C shows. You forget I was once on a T-Shirt and a poster. But I was - Oh, I was...
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