Mom, Please Don't Read This...

This is not for the faint of heart.



If you have an active, vivid imagination - the kind where you read something and get pictures of it - don't read on.



If you share chromosomes with me or are involved with anyone whom shares chromosomes with me - don't read on.



Don't say I didn't warn you, fucker...




Did you ever put on some erotica and the girl comes out and you're like, 'aw - she's cute...'? Then she looks sweetly into the camera. And they have her made up to look real. Like a woman you could meet on the street - not like something out of those Jenna Jameson Vivid movies where she's fighting for interstellar peace by fucking aliens and shit...She's got a twinkle in her eye cuz there's a million lights on her. You can tell she's got no bra on. She takes her top off. Then some more clothing gets shedded. It's like you're having your own private show. You half expect her to lean over and go, 'so you from around here or just here on business?' She seems so sweet and innocent. And everything has begun innocuously enough.
Then like 20 minutes later, she's getting DP'd by two $5 footlongs (5-5-5-dollar footlongs, thank you Jared strategy team. I can't wait to see the first movie company to use that title...) Next thing you know, Meatball Marinara + Italian BMT both finish in her hidden hole. Then she gets up and drips both back out onto the floor. And all of a sudden you've had a life-altering moment? You don't know what you just saw. But you hit rewind, kinda like slowing down for an accident on 78 where both cars on laying in the grass in the middle, two pieces of twisted metal and you just know that someone's ambulance isn't pulling out with sirens.
Yea, me neither....